May 14, 2008
O.k let me breath.....I feel so ARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First let me start by saying I am SO thankful of everything in my life! My kids,My dh.There healthy,happy,content!I am so lucky to be able to be a SAHM.And LOVE being here for EVERYTHING! Be there for every new thing.Especially Juliana.She just amazes me.How big she is now.How smart,active.And is learning something new everyday!And I am so lucky to be here when she does.
And I think even though I'm thankful,I feel as probably many SAHM's feel, I am being tooken for granted.I do my darnedest to have everything so perfect.Have every meal cooked,every bodys clothes washed.The house clean.I am just EXHAUSTED! I feel like a used dish rag! People just take,take ,take.Everyday the same,The same!
But do I get a thank you? Do I get a check? Do I even get a how was your day? The food was good? You look nice? O.k maybe my hair is a mess?Maybe I only slept 5 hrs? When was the last time I showered? I'm still there early in the morning to take kids to school.To make food.To care for baby!The only thank you I get is one little smile,The smile my baby gives me when she sees me early in the morning.When I give her food.I can do no wrong.And that is the only thing making me not pull out my hair.And run down the street SCREAMING!I feel like I'm living the same day everyday.The same things always.And god forbid I get sick,or I want a day off,The house would fall apart! I wouldn't be a "GOOD" mom.I would not be doing MY "JOB"!
So why the reason for this vent? Why the sadness? Mothers day has come & gone.Mothers day should be every day! A mother NEVER stops.I know my mom never did.Or my g-mother or hers.I always wanted..as far back as I remember...playing with my dolls,dreaming of having a big family & being a mommy.But what my little brain didn't know is how sad it could be.How lonely.How much of your self gets lost.How much of your self you give.And yet never get anything in return.
I got nothing for mothers day.Not a card.Not a gift.Not a day,not even a hug! I don't expect much.But WTH?NOTHING?Not my kids,not from there school (they were testing all wk).Not from my dh.That day has came & gone.I should have expected it,I guess.I should be used to it.But just like that little girl playing with her dolls I accept it.I don't like it.But I guess my present is seeing my kids grow up healthy,strong,responsible.Because I raised them.And maybe they're to young to acknowledge or even understand it now?But just like I did.Will be thankful,grateful?One day.......maybe one day?