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redunancy

Aug 10, 2009 - 6 comments

after so many relapses over so many years i decided this last time to say nothing to anyone that i was quitting the pills again. every other time, i told alot of people. i am one of those people who knocks wood and fears you will jinx it if you blab. so i did it privately beginning with the doctor, asking him not to let me keep manipulating him. then i just tried to act as normal as possible and think positive thoughts. not to hurt anyone's feelings, but i know all the pep talks. in fact i give a darn good one myself. i just couldn't read those again. also counting clean days trips me out, so i couldn't say how many it's been, only that aside from a little runny nose i seem to be back in the functional world. no one knew i stopped, yet suddenly my kids were spending more time with me. my husband became a tiger in the bedroom again. opportunities are opening up before me. they just know. the ones close to you can feel it. my husband would be on the road and when i messed up he would call alomst instantly. i of course would lie, only having to answer for it later. this pattern of deciept, betrayal, and the rest was eating me up so bad inside, i couldn't even instant message. felt so worthless, no, purposeless is more like what i was feeling. am happy to be back.

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999300 tn?1249929219
by ELLOUISHA, Aug 10, 2009
Do ya mind me asking what pills you are refering to ? you see im addicted to tramodol and its only been these last few days that ive actually faced my demons if your story is anything like mine then i think we could be good for one another to chat to my nick name on hear is ELLOUISHA if you feel you'd like to chat just get in touch.

Avatar universal
by 122 Tactical Fighter Group, Aug 10, 2009
Happy to see you back, lady!  I should observe that perhaps you might have better results if you did a reverse. Instead of not telling anyone and isolating.....maybe you could tell everyone and surround yourself with individuals that really do care about you!   Seems like that might work well. And you wouldnt need to feel deceitful or anything........

736475 tn?1281259327
by sway1, Aug 10, 2009
i  have a sneaky nature. i figured i would just reverse the polarities. i snuck myself clean. i haven't had a sneaky urge yet.

495284 tn?1333894042
by dominosarah, Aug 10, 2009
Im sneaking up behind you and telling you it is nice to see you back again!!!  Keep doing whatever it takes to stay clean........sara

Avatar universal
by boldsojah4christ, Aug 10, 2009
Glad 2 have u back Sis. I was wondering where you where. We miss you here! But the past is the past right! We all fall sway but the thing is 2 get back up! I love you Sis despite our backgrounds & you know that! Love bs4c:

736475 tn?1281259327
by sway1, Aug 10, 2009
thanks so much guys. i feel wonderful! my home is a much more harmonious place for me than i was making it before. i can really torture myself. looking forward now. love you guys!! really. sway

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