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How Does it Feel to Feel?

Aug 20, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

Recovery

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Schizoaffective disorder

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glycine

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Glutamate Antagonists

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Vimpat

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clonidine

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Rhodiola

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ginkgo

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tardive dyskinesia

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Tardive Dystonia

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Tardive Akathesia

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Tardive Myoclonus

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Tardive Dysphrenia

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Tardive Dysmentia

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Research



115000?1250816144
  Odd question. But one worth answering (yes I know, this is an old 60's song but that's not what this has to do with as that was written under the influence of psychedelics, I have never tried illegal drugs). What are emotions? And how are they defined? Well clinical research is defining what bipolar and depression are. Feel free to look it up. But what is it like to lose the ability to experience emotions? Well people know about the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. But that's treatable. It was in me. So what in the basic full remmission from psychosis what do I have that makes me lose emotional abilities? That within clinical understanding is tardive dysphrenia, tardive psychosis and tardive dysmentia. But why talk about bad news? The answer is as the treatment I've advocated to be on works the ability to express emotions has began to return. I could type up full documentation to represent someone for benefits but I could not understand birdwatching which I always liked. I could not define or understand the idea of a bird. I could not watch comedies because I could not process the idea or concept of humor. But what really was going on? Clinically there were deficits. An inability to process or comprehend things is concordant with dysmentia. And the other day, I tried an experiment (which was reporter back to my providers who will write up the study). As a young person my grandmother gave me some nostalgic items. The perfume went to my mother but smelling it still brings back emotional memories. Until now. Smelling it set off dystonic and dysphagic convulsions. Yesterday smelling a rose did the same. Before recovery it would set off a flood of emotional memories. The emotional part of the brain (limbic system) has experienced the synaptic disruption concordant with tardive dysphrenia.
   But yesterday I had accidentally taken the Vimpat too early. And it was the last day of the Catapres application. In watching the medication dosage more carefully, today I was able to enjoy some things in an emotional sense. Tomorrow I'll be going to a museum with my mother, again on Access A Ride and when I recieve home attendant coverage will travel that way. But that's an accomodation. There is a need to make more friends (still am in a relationship though and appreciate that support) and I will work on that as well as physical functioning returns. We know the ginkgo and rhodiola boost dopamine which is lacking in my neurotransmitters. We know what they help on. But exactly how does the Vimpat and Clonidine help on what they are defining as tardive dysphrenia, tardive dysmentia and tardive psychosis? That question can only be answered by researchers.
    My grandmother said I always was the "sensible one in the family". That's because I can take a complex emotional problem and brainstorm concrete factual solutions. But life is not a series of facts. We as humans have emotions and they are a neccessary part of life. But to regain functioning in the limbic system (area processing thoughts and emotions) I had to advocate in a factual sense for treatment for areas of my brain that the tardive dyskinesia had advanced to. And each time I hear word of correspendence from another provider or provider agency (can't post this due to confidence) I am happy and not just in a factual sense. Part of it is emotional. But it is a higher level emotion in knowing that what will be done will help others, as research progresses and knowing that my actions in some way initiated that. Its hard to sit down and analyze your emotions. But when they are neurologically deprived and they return just like the ability to move, to not experience spasmic activity and to eat, you are glad they have returned. One shouldn't take anything for granted. And once you regain functioning in any area you have lost it is only then that you can truly appreciate it.

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