Jul 26, 2014
I feel pretty damn good that I'm at the 60 day mark. I feel different this time regarding my sobriety. I credit the NA meetings. Not to mention every wonderful person on here who has been there to offer words of encouragement in my difficult times. The first 30 days took forever it seemed. I cannot believe tomorrow will be another 30. It seems like yesterday I was excited to hit 30, now I'm moving on to 60.
This site is amazing! The only problem I have with it is not being able to meet each person in the flesh. Having such great people there for you is awesome! I have in the past spent a great deal of my early detoxing posting in the forum section. This go around I had no desire to which is partly why I have been writing so many journal entries. I want to start responding in the forum section now. I feel like it is time to give back. Hopefully I can help someone else.
I still have my days that is for sure. I can talk myself through them better but not always. haha I'm trying to remind myself that what I am experiencing are only feelings and they will pass. But as we all know when you are in the moment of "feeling" like crap it is hard to convince yourself that.
One thing I am learning and have always suspected with myself is my need and want to escape from what is around me. I find myself wondering sometimes listening to fellow addicts at meetings why do we as addicts spend so much time analyzing our actions in what we do. Will there ever be a moment for the rest of my life that I am not making decisions worried about what my alter addict self is conjuring up. Are we really that different? Do we have to live life constantly worried about our "other" side? And does that constant worrying interfere with enjoying life. I don't know just some rambling thoughts.
I am doing good. Someone on here reached out to me yesterday because I haven't been journaling as much. Making sure I was ok. This person has been here for awhile and it made me feel good that they were actually following my story and concerned. I have read many of their post and have always enjoyed what they say.
Things are starting to level out for me. The wife/ex and I are on fairly good terms which is nice. I need to get the ball rolling on the divorce. I don't want it lingering. I also know it is what I want.
One thing driving me nuts right now! I just thought of while writing. I have to go pay on my guitar at the pawn shop. I put it up for 80 bucks to buy drugs those first few days when the s hit the fan. It ***** because I barely have the money to make a payment to keep it. Pathetic! Just another reminder. I have thought about just letting it go and getting another one but I have had this guitar for 18 years! And not getting it back is almost like suffering a defeat to my addiction, if that makes sense.
Anyway I am doing well. Here is to 60 days tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!