Jul 26, 2014
I wake up this morning screaming in pain. I run to the bathroom and am bleeding both vaginally and rectally. They've told me I need bed rest and more pain meds. Well, I've done that for the past 9 days and I still feel like death. On top of that I am feeling depressed. It is an unfamiliar feeling to me....I haven't had it in a long time. Of course a huge part of it is the pain and suffering and not knowing what exactly is happening. But the other huge part of it is these drugs I am putting in my body. The hormones and the opiates combined are making me feel like an emotional basketcase. I have decided I am not letting this disease hold me prisoner any more. It will take no more from me. I will not let it steal my joy.
So I am going to resume living my life. I cannot spend 10 weeks in bed until my surgery. I will lose my marbles. So I am going to the river. Not a hard hike, a gentle walk. Not a crazy swim, a gentle float. And then I am going to spend time with my loved ones. I know I cannot ignore what is happening to me, but I can no longer dwell on it. It is controlling my life...My every thought....It colours everything and I say NO MORE!
SO FU*$ you Endometriosis. You are baffling, invasive, scary, and powerful. But you are not stronger than me and I will NOT let you win. You may have won a round or two but I WILL WIN THE WAR.
I will take my body back from you. I will get off these meds that affect my thoughts and feelings. I will be me. You will never stop me from being me.
I refuse to be your victim.
I am no one's victim.
So peace out.