Aug 05, 2014
OMG Medhelp Friday cannot come soon enough!
I do believe I am experiencing cysts erupting on my ovaries. I have the intense take my breath away stabbing pain followed by a quick passing of a blood clot. I know this is common in endo so I'm just trying to breathe, not panic, and just make it through this week until I see my surgeon on Friday.
But something else happened that has me sitting here bawling my eyes out. As I mentioned, I saw my doctor (GP) last week and she and I decided that because of my intense pain I needed better pain management. She increased the frequency of my dosage and wrote me new prescriptions. She also decided I should postpone my continued taper of the valium until I am through surgery as I am barely sleeping now. She doesn't think it's wise for me to put more stress on my body right now when I'm already suffering so much. This was disappointing to me as I'd been doing really well with my taper and am down to almost nothing and I was so proud to almost be off. But I realize she's right. Unfortunately I need these medications right now. So I had dropped the scripts off last Thursday to be filled as i had enough to make it through the long weekend. I just called the pharmacy to ask them to fill them.
The pharmacy assistant said she couldn't fill them, that it was six days early. I told her she was looking at my old prescription and asked to talk to the pharmacist. He said (in regards to the valium) "You're still taking this? I thought you were coming off it?" I explained what the doctor had said. You should have heard the judgement in his voice. He then looked at the change of prescription for the hydro and said he'd fill it. But he was so rude it was all I could do to not burst into tears on the phone. I hung up and burst into tears immediately afterwards.
I know I shouldn't let this get to me. But as I'm struggling so much myself with HAVING to take these medications which I've fought so hard to get off of- it was more than I can handle today. I HATE THIS!!
I was awake all night. All night in pain. I fell asleep at 2 am only to awake at 3 am shivering with cold so intensely (it's 90 degrees here) that I had to put on flannel pjs. I laid in bed shivering uncontrollably for hours and finally drifted off around 7 am. I woke up an hour later drenched in sweat. I have no idea what caused this. I took my normal meds on schedule. I did have that horrible ovary pain right before bed so maybe that caused it?
I don't know....All I know is that I am doing the very best I can in an extremely awful and difficult situation and the judgement from the pharmacist was the very last thing I need.
I just don't get it. They have NO IDEA what I am going through or what I have been through in the past 7 months. I think it is disgusting that they would treat a patient like that.
Now I feel like I have something to be ashamed of. It's triggering all kinds of awful feelings in me and I don't know how to move through it. I feel like going in there and telling them how unkind it is to be so rude to someone that is suffering so much.
I feel like every time I go in they look me up and down and wonder why such a healthy looking, well put together woman would be taking such hardcore medication.
They make me feel like a drug addict. And I am an addict. But I am an addict in recovery who is being forced to take medications AS PRESCRIBED for an incredibly painful and awful illness. I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS!
God. I need support right now. Not judgement.
I'm usually really strong and don't give a sh*t what people think.
But this has hit me at my most vulnerable point. I'm scared to go in there now.
I hate this. I really, really hate this.