Aug 08, 2014
I am sorry to report it is not good news. Not at all. She listened to my symptoms and did a trans-vaginal ultrasound (without IV pain meds OMG IT HURT SO BAD I SCREAMED FU*K. but we had to know what was happening)
My endometrium does not look right. It should be thinned because of the hormones I'm taking but is thicker in places which she thinks may mean that it is adenmyosis. This is deep endo tissue infiltrated in the uterine wall and is inoperable. She won't for sure know what the extent of it is until she goes in in October. She says she will remove all the endo that she can and that we should try to conceive naturally provided my tubes are not blocked and my ovaries clear. If not I'll have an opportunity to try IVF. But it is the worst case scenario. Even if I have a hysterectomy it is likely with my other organ involvement that I will always suffer pain and symptoms.
She tried to be reassuring but I can tell she's not certain. I do know that she will do everything she can to ensure I can conceive, and help me with the best treatment plan.
I had a very strong notion that this was the case given my symptoms and all the research I have done. As I haven't seen her since March she was shocked at how much my symptoms had escalated. Now we know why. I have just about the most painful kind of disease you can have. The hormones I've been taking have done nothing to suppress the disease which means it is VERY aggressive. I stop taking it now for one week and then start on another hormone called Visanne. If it doesn't work my only option is Lupron which is scary. Hopefully the Visanne carries me through until October.
I don't really know what else to say. I am in shock.
My mom burst in to tears in the office and then apologized to Andrew and I profusely. She just doesn't want me to suffer any more.
We just want a baby. We want to make a baby. And I don't want to be crippled by this.
I'm feeling pretty devastated right now. I'm not surprised but I'm still shocked.
I need some time to process.
I can't believe this is really happening.
That's all for now. I've been up since 5 and am bleary.
Thank you all for your support and well wishes. I carried them with me all day.