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Anxiety, stress as we wait

Aug 28, 2009 - 2 comments



Ovarian Cancer

DIL had her 4th chemo Monday 8/10. She suffered nausea and dizziness 3-4 days later, but the joint pain didn't come until 4-5 days later. She has not bounced back as quickly as she usually does, and in general, has felt lousy. Fatigue, tiredness, frustration. She told me on Monday that her white blood cells were low. My son said a couple of days ago, "We just got word that DIL's blood work was not bad but not good either. she has bounced back quickly from the other chemos but this one has left her weaker/nauseous for longer. She has had a good few days but is just now feeling better. Her CA-125 is also slightly up to 52. We are so accustomed to the number being cut in half that it shocker her a litle. One week from now we head to May for testing/surgery. Pray that all goes well."

Son told me yesterday that if her blood counts don't improve, they won't do surgery next week. DIL will have another round of blood work on Monday before (we hope) heading to MN. We are hoping that the blood work #s meet whatever criteria is is supposed to meet.

Meanwhile, their 5-year old son asked, "Mommy, are you ever going to get well?"

School has begun, so the 5-year old started kindergarden and the 7-year old started 2nd grade.

I'm so sorry the family has to suffer this, and I don't understand why. In my "Big Book of Things I Don't Understand," I have already written that we'll never know the answer to the 'whys' in our lifetime. But it hurts me so, and it hurts the many who love them.

I am praying that they can and will do the surgery and that they don't find anything they're not expecting to find. That may be a foolish prayer, since it seems to me that the unexpected is what realistically we should expect.

Meanwhile, my Dr. has increased dosages for my anti-depressants, my stomach is crazy with diahrrea that seems almost uncontrollable, and mostly all I want to do is sleep. I went to sleep last night about 6 waking to see that it was 7:30 & I thought it was the next day but wasn't ready to get up! Sure enough, it was still yesterday. So I got up & put on my PJs and went to bed and slept all night. I've now done that twice this week. I have another call in to the doc to see if there's anything I should be doing/worrying about. And to think and know - My son & DIL are the ones with the real problems and it's not about me.

I'll be keeping the children next week. I'm praying I'll have the right answer to their questions and that I can comfort them when they miss their Mom & Dad who they adore.

I'm just venting here. Sometimes writing makes me feel better. I'm just so damn frustrated and angrey about this ******* OVCA.

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by bohan54, Aug 28, 2009
Writing used to help me too.  You have to do whatever it takes to maintain your sanity and of course you will be a wonderful grandma next week.  Better to rest up now, they will surely wear you out!  
Sometimes it hurts me to just look at my husband, son, mom.  They don't deserve this junk either.  
If only our collective anger could force a cure...

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by Angie1992, Aug 28, 2009
Hello, I am always praying for you and your family.  It's so hard to see our loved ones suffer like this and that means you too.  I know when I've not been well, my mother would look like she felt so awful.  I think one of the reasons are we feel so powerless in helping them with this cancer.  You need support too and anytime you want to vent on here there is someone listening, wishing they could help, and thinking of all of you.  Please take care. Sending love and strength, Angie

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