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Losing It

Aug 13, 2014 - 4 comments

I am just writing here real quick because I have no real journal and I need to get this out.  I am having a really terrible week.  Like awful.  I am still bleeding like a faucet and the cramping is unreal.  The butcher knives are working over time.  I have a terrible hormone headache that will not go away no matter what and I haven't slept more than an hour a night for the past week.
FU*K.
This morning Andrew found me bawling my eyes out on the couch at 7 am. He wanted to take me to the hospital.  But I said no I can't I've got tech rehearsal today.  Which i do.  In an hour.  And I still haven't got in the shower because my head hurts and I'm so dizzy every time I stand up that I feel like I'm gonna puke or pass out or both.
This would all be so much better if I could just sleep.
I can't sleep.
It makes me very emotional when I don't sleep and then combined with the hormone flux it's like WOAH lock Lu up for a week and throw away the key.

I hate this.

I need to take a break from the forum because I am taking things personally when obviously they are not.  I don't think I can be of any help to anyone because I don't even know how to help myself right now.

I am questioning my sanity...Well definitely my ability to be rational.
Anyways- if you don't hear from me for awhile it's not because I don't love you all, or that I'm dead or anything like that....I just need a break.
I love you and thank you all for your continued support.
I'll check in when I have something more to give.
But now I'm just empty and I need to save myself before I go over the deep end.

Lu

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1742220 tn?1331356727
by meegWpaw, Aug 13, 2014
Lulu my guru

I am reading this right as im walking out the door ...

so it will be quick

I am so sorry about all of this.  I think of you throughout the day.

remember that moms is still available chica and you can still opt for that ANYTIME

I KNOW you don't want to and I risk you getting angry at me ... more ... for saying that ... I am sorry but I need to tell you that I think you need to do WHATEVER is necessary to take care of you.  like going to the hospital


I love you babydoll

be good

I will see you when you come back from your break

Meegs

1742220 tn?1331356727
by meegWpaw, Aug 14, 2014
Lulu my guru --

I aint forgotten about you lil mama

I am thinking of you.

please let that man o yours take care of you

and YOU take care of you

I love you

Meegs

547913 tn?1317355667
by jimi1822, Aug 14, 2014
A psalm of David.

"1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. and Eternity."

                                                        Prayers and Blessings for Health and Wellness my friend and sister.

                                                                                                 jimi (little wing)


                                              

1926359 tn?1331588139
by lulu747, Aug 14, 2014
Thank you lovely friends for thoughts and prayers.  I am finally home in bed after a long and trying and highly emotional day.  I am going to put on the wave track, take my meds and go to sleep.  An emergency call to the doctor insisted upon by my very concerned mother and scared boyfriend has pushed upon me some hard core sleep meds.  I have been hallucinating and hearing voices due to lack of sleep.  I hope it works and I sleep 12 hours.

I love you all.  Hopefully tomorrow will be brighter.
Bless-
Lu

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