Aug 20, 2014
Nerve found that science knows a thing or two that you don’t when it comes to your sex life. According to the collection of research, the shape of your body is a sure-as-hell sign of how rowdy your next romp is going to beAccording to the collection of research, the shape of your body is a sure-as-hell sign of how rowdy your next romp is going to be and the size of your date’s index finger may be a dead giveaway for what kind of heat he’s packin’ (if you catch my drift).The arbitrary revelations assert that your body type determines how desirable you are to potential partners based on qualities that are only skin deep. Not only is society putting too much pressure on what’s happening on the outside, but now science is joining the ranks of the looks-first movement.
Having a crooked smile means you’ll probably only bed guys who haven’t yet been circumcised and that having bigger boobs makes you more desirable to men because it reminds them of their mothers. A bigger penis is actually a turn-off for women because they don’t want all that shoved up the broom closet — who knew?
An average rack means you’ll definitely attract sexist guys
The Nerve article just lightly touches on the fact that a B- and C-cup puts you within reach of the douchey guy at the bar and research from the University of Westminster agrees. After analyzing how 361 men aged 18-68 reacted to 3D models of women with varying breast sizes, researchers found that 32.7 percent of guys found medium-sized boobs most attractive.
Researchers then concluded that guys associate these size tops with “traditional” femininity and also asserts that these men think women are both “meek” and “weak.” Which means where making huge headway in the fight for gender equality.
No wonder Joan had such a tortured experience climbing the corporate ladder.
It’s all in the fingers
The “bigger the hands, bigger the ****” aphorism might not be totally reliable but that doesn’t mean there isn’t just a flicker of truth to the slogan.
According to research out of Korea, a man whose index finger is shorter than his ring finger is more likely to have a bigger package. Which makes for great conversation when you meet a guy at a bar and just casually ask to see how much bigger his hand is than yours…
But that begs the question: Is bigger always better?
Boobs, boobs, they’re good for your heart (and apparently, your longevity)
Jury’s still out on the authenticity of this study, but apparently a German doctor by the name of Katren Weatherby found that ogling a woman’s boobs for 10 minutes a day will magically add five years to a dude’s lifespan.
The study, which involved three different hospitals in Frankfurt, looked at the overall health of 200 males for a period of five years. They found that the guys who took in more boob sightings had lower blood pressure, were less likely to develop coronary artery disease and had slower pulse rates than their (unfortunate) counterparts, who didn’t get boob views as often.The supposed research didn’t take a woman’s personality into account at all (but why would it?). Pretty sure this makes for the ultimate “Look, but don’t touch” argument.
Top heavy? You’ll only attract guys who want kids
Research published in Psychology Today analyzed the “evolutionary perspective on breast size” and found that guys who have no interest in becoming fathers were turned off by bigger chests. Apparently they know what happens with that whole breastfeeding situation (you know, like sustaining a life solely by your breast milk, making women the most Powerful People on the Planet) and they want no part in it.
Only 67 college-aged men participated in the study, conducted by Christopher Burris and Armand Munteanu, which proved that men in their early 20s still have absolutely no clue about what they want.
Burris, Armand and their corral of 67 circus idiots found that guys believe a larger chest is an innate signal of a woman’s ability to bear and nurture children, thus concluding (without saying so) that the Itty Bitty Titty Committee make terrible mothers.
Some other food for thought? Though these guys don’t want to wed you, they’re fully capable of determining whether or not your waste-to-hip ratio is indicative of your ability to conceive.
Longer gams gives you a leg up on the competition
In Poland, Boguslaw Pawlowski and a team of psychologists from the University of Wroclaw found that longer-than-average legs make you immediately more attractive, regardless of the Long-Stemmed One’s gender.
Pawlowski and his team asked 218 male and female volunteers to rank attractiveness of seven different male and female digitally altered images. Little did the participants know, but the researchers had previously altered the images to make their legs average or longer by five, 10 and 15 percent, respectively.
After they’d asked each participant to share which person they thought was most attractive, the Polish team concluded that leg length matters to people more than looks, more than figure, more than body shape and more than facial attractiveness.
Which means that all that time my best friend wasted worrying about the towering over all the guys at the party was all for naught (sorry, girl!).
The bigger the manhood, the higher the flight risk
Turns out that women aren’t in search of the biggest fish in the sea. It’s the small, reasonably sized, average fish that gets the woman – and keeps her
Research published by PLOS One found that men with larger penises are more likely to be cheated on by their wives. In order to come to that conclusion, researchers interviewed 545 married couples in Kenya and asked both partners to self-report their partner’s girth when ready to go (read: when hard enough to break a brick) and were given a 15-inch ruler for reference.
The men reported what they saw and the women, what they measured. If there was a difference in the estimates, the researchers erred on the side of whichever partner was less likely to fib.
Shockingly enough, researchers found that for every inch longer that the penis was, the stronger the likelihood (one-and-half times over) that the woman was likely to be involved in an extra-marital partnership. They went on to add that women associated larger penis sizes with pain and discomfort during sex, which deteriorated their ability to enjoy themselves.
‘Tis far better to be a shower than a grower, I suppose.
The bigger the hips, the bigger the number… but the better the body
A study performed by the University of Leeds found that women with wider hips are much more likely to have one-night stands. Apparently the number of partners a woman has is “largely driven” by how many one-night stands she takes home.
Researchers also noted that “women with bigger hips might be more sexually open because they’re evolutionary better at popping out the babies.” So if you’ve got a hip width wider than 14.2 inches, you’re likely to have way more sexual partners and casual hookups than women with a width under 12.2 inches.
But to restore your faith in humanity a little bit, Dr. Barnaby Dixson, a New Zealand-based anthropologist found what all women with a little booty and a lot of body know to be true, that straight men were more into women with hourglass figures than any other body type. And that is why on the Eight Day, God created Beyoncé.
So go ‘head girl, go ’head, get down.