Sep 10, 2009
I know many of you have sent me notes of encouragement and care. I so appreciate that. I'm trying not to hide away in a little hole somewhere but the past couple of months have been stressful and the past few days have been even worse.
Just to fill in here without putting you all to sleep with my ramblings: our daughter married just 2 years ago. Nice guy, funny, sweet, fantastic family. In the past year we've noticed a change in him, less social, avoiding us even when we stop by the apartment. We asked our daughter if everything was OK. She said yes. We want to respect her privacy since she is an adult.
Then in May he came home and announced he quit his job. Hmm. Our daughter is a teacher but has only been able to get sub jobs so far. She manages their money very well since he tends to be a spender. But now he refuses to work. Said it would give him anxiety. She told him to try some summer college courses then, find something he might like to do in terms of a career. Even then he was upset about the 2 classes. It wasn't easy going.
No summer work for her so she found a job at a local pizza place to bring in some cash. Then found out she was pregnant. Yes, they've been trying for 2 years with no luck. Talk about bad timing. Then her pregnancy made her too sick to work. Her BP was running 80/60 and she kept passing out. Even got hurt at work one time from fainting. The husband? Still hides out in the back room playing video games, complains constantly about what she does or doesn't do.
We finally got her to open up to us and it was worse than we imagined. So much verbal and emotional abuse going on. We were thinking maybe a separation would shock him into action. We spoke with his parents. They didn't know things were this bad, knew he had some self esteem problems but nothing like this. They agreed but worried about his reaction. Anytime something doesn't go his way, he threatens to kill himself. Not good.
Our daughter decided to try one more thing, ask if he'd be willing to try marital counseling. She even presented it in a way that it was for her to learn better communication skills. Nope, he blew up again, threw out the "suicide" word again. Now it looks like we're just going to have to step in, she'll come to our house, my husband has offered to talk to him since he understands depression, the parents support this because they're emotionally drained and they are willing to have their son stay with them for awhile till we all figure out what to do next.
Not an easy thing to face. And that's the story, more to it of course but you get my drift. And that's why I've been just waiting here at home, wondering what will happen in the next hour or day. I think today will be the confrontation day if our daughter agrees it's time. She can't go on much longer under these conditions. She said he's been like this almost from day one, questioning her love for him, making threats. I think she needs a break.
Again, thank you all for your wonderful, loving notes. I may not know your faces but I know your hearts and they are beautiful.
hugs to all, irene