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When will it end

Sep 12, 2009 - 3 comments

I have decided that if i am not pregnant by the end of the year, then we will be calling it quits.  I'm really tired of thinking about all this cr*p.  I'm tired of bding on command, tired of peeing on things, tired of feeling envious of my friends, tired of feeling that for some reason God has forgotten about me.  I'm tired of spending money on things that dont work and most of all I am tired of disappointing my poor DH.

A tiny part of me is scared that DH will leave me 15 years from now and hook up with a younger woman who can give him children.  That would just kill me.

I dont think that reading the stupid book about the 39 year old who gets pregnant by accident.  Makes me want to scream "39 YEAR OLDS DO NOT GET PREGNANT BY ACCIDENT!!!"  Its such a shame because up until now I was really enjoying the book!  Now it is just making me mad to read it.

Maybe I am not right in the head today.  I dunno.  All I know is that this past month has been very very hard on me and i dont have anyone to talk to at home who understands.  I feel dumb talking about it.  I feel dumb crying as in the grand scheme of things my life is good.  I am so tired of failing.  I know that i shouldnt let this get the better of me, and that thinking and stressing is not going to help in the long run.  I just dont know anything anymore.  Why the he!!  did I get that positive test.... what a cruel joke.

I feel like punching something.  I better get my butt to the gym.  Maybe that will make me feel better.  its not gonna make me feel worse.

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758877 tn?1382585762
by ladybug82, Sep 12, 2009
wow, you took the words right out of my mouth..... in the mexicaan tradition women are usually on there 3 baby by my age .... lol well i am talking a bout my family and when you dont get preggos THEY start QUSTIONING " whats wrong with you" and forth IT ***** ... so yes PUNCH SOMETHING  i have bought a punching bag and that works WONDERS lol ... so good luck and NO dont give up

691236 tn?1311199974
by allie_44107, Sep 13, 2009
G-If it makes any difference at all i have been there and felt all the same emotions you are feeling now.  

For some people the right decision is to just stop trying.  You know what they always say-once you stop trying that is when it will happen.  I know that probably doesn't help at all right now.  I just want you to know I relate.  

I am always here for you to chat.

Lots of love,
Allie

1135470 tn?1443371023
by Cubanmulatta, Dec 30, 2009
Okay I know this is an old pos but I just happen to come across it and read it. I can totally relate to how you feel.  That is exactly how I've been feeling too.

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