Dec 09, 2014
Well, I think it's come to an end after only 'trying' for a month basically.
As some of you know, my boyfriend proposed to me the end of November...
And then yesterday afternoon, seemed a bit 'off' while eating lunch..
I texted him asking if everything was ok, and that he seemed down.
He replied that his 'head was all over the place' and when I asked 'in regards to what?', he replied with 'about Christmas, having another baby, being engaged, taking over the farm. I just don't know what to think about all of it'..
So obviously pre-period me loses my mind internally, cries at my desk for a bit, and then turns the sadness into anger.
So I call my Dr. and get an apt for Wednesday for Birth Control.
I get home last night, and aside from it being a bit awkward and not talking about it at ALL (mainly because he's a man, and I don't know what happened but he refuses to ever talk about anything that has to do with HIS feelings)
We were fine. held hands and snuggled, but didn't say a word to eachother.. about anything.
SO, this morning - I tell him I have a Dr. appt tomorrow (you know, thinking this will bring the conversation up...)
He said - 'I thought it wasn't until Jan 7th' (which he IS correct, but that's for my new OB/GYN because after Levi, my OB/GYN went to Hamilton, ON).
Anyways, I said 'yeah, I called and made one sooner' and he asked 'for what'
*deep breath* 'birth control' I say.
he says nothing..... not a DAMN THING.
So I get Riley ready for school, pack her lunch...
Get ready to leave and he comes over, hugs me and gives me a kiss and tells me to have a good day.........
*insert internal scream*
Like, is it just me??? Should I just go on the pill? He clearly doesn't know WTF he wants right now, and I'm not about to still TRY to get pregnant if he's all up in the air like this and $hit...
I just don't want to go on the pill or patch and then a month later have him be like 'ok. im ready' and then it takes us another 3 months from there to even get pregnant. But at the same time, as I said - I don't want to force him into continuing to try if he is unsure...
And don't even ask about condoms, most of you ladies know how 99% of the male population feel about them.
We thought we'd get pregnant right away, to be honest... So maybe because it's taking so long? (although our idea of 'long' is not even CLOSE to what some of your journey's have been, so I apologize!) I've had 3 periods (as of today being CD1 of cycle #3) since losing our baby boy in September... after this one we were going to give it one last shot and if I got my January period then we were going to put things on hold until after we got married.
And now, even THAT is up in the air it seems...
Any advice you guys can give would be much appreciated.