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so much has happened

Jan 20, 2015 - 19 comments

I've been obsessed with listening to Michelle Branch lately.
And Taylor Swift.
As some of you know, I have a tattoo on my hand "safe & sound" in memory of the little boy me and Corey lost in September.
I am obsessed with the song "are we out of the woods yet" (unsure if that's the title, but those are the lyrics)
It just seemed so fitting with everything...
Trying to get through the bumps in the road for me and Corey, and trying to have a successful pregnancy.
I told myself after this baby is in my arms, I could add to my sleeve and add the lyrics "out of the woods" to it.
I feel like I'm ******* bipolar. One minute I want to punch him in the neck.
The next... I want to get on my knees and beg him and cry and hug him and kiss him.
But all my love is falling on deaf ears, and that's what hurts the most :(
I can feel the pain in his eyes, but he won't admit it.
Why does he think he needs to act so proud?
Ugh. I better stop while I'm ahead. I've been doing good today and I can feel that lump in my throat coming back...


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2020005 tn?1628125976
by KTowne, Jan 20, 2015
I think what you're feeling is completely normal. Next time you want to run to him and hug him, remember how little he cares about your growing baby, and you and your daughter. He doesn't deserve that love.

2020005 tn?1628125976
by KTowne, Jan 20, 2015
I think what you're feeling is completely normal. Next time you want to run to him and hug him, remember how little he cares about your growing baby, and you and your daughter. He doesn't deserve that love.

Avatar universal
by ribaby15, Jan 20, 2015
:(

5575813 tn?1452481085
by Hollus, Jan 20, 2015
I think you should have a good dinner with friends and a funny movie to help distract you for a bit. I feel so badly for you that you are going through this. I wish I could fix it! Hang in there Ri and remember distracting may be a great tool to help you through the tough times!

**HUGS**

Avatar universal
by ribaby15, Jan 20, 2015
Like, I sent him all these pictures I've been seeing online on fb "do the right thing. Not the easy thing". And been sending him screen shots of all my friends saying he's an idiot and scum etc. Lol. And he's so pissy this evening. He went into the bedroom and tripped over my phone cord and it came unplugged and he told me and I didn't reply. He's like 'did you hear me? Your phone is unplugged.' And I'm like 'yeah I heard you. I was ignoring you' lol. He's at the door and is like 'you might wanna plug it back in so you can get more of those messages you can send me' all pissy-like, and then left. Lol. I was smiling. It's like it's actually affecting him me being a d0uche like this :)

Avatar universal
by ribaby15, Jan 21, 2015
well. I apologized to him this morning. I felt like sh*t after doing that. but I just wanted him to see how crappy of a person everyone thinks he is! because he clearly doesn't get what he's doing!  that backfired... and he now says the money he was going to give me to help me out isn't available, and that my timeline for my 'stay' has been shortened. and that I should think about what I send to him. and there's no point in trying to kiss @ss now.
fml.

2020005 tn?1628125976
by KTowne, Jan 21, 2015
What a dink, he's the one that started all of this, so why is it YOU that's the problem?!

2006473 tn?1422033301
by Mrs_teddy_bear, Jan 21, 2015
Let him know child support isn't optional. His child will get what he/she deserves at least when it comes to money from him. As for the rest, I tell him to shove it, pack my things and move anywhere. If I were you I would move anywhere as long as I could afford it and it was safe for my children. Even if that meant moving back in with family.

I am not the I typically the I told you so type but back when you first started posting about his behavior with the ex I told you that he wasn't over her. Whether she is pushing him to be with her or not is not the point. He is a grown man who made his own decisions.

You two living in the same place isn't going to go well for much longer. You are going to get further along and a bigger bump. The stress from your relationship with him isn't going to help you and your baby. You need to focus on a healthy pregnancy since it is clear that the healthy relationship is gone.

Avatar universal
by ribaby15, Jan 21, 2015
RIGHT!?!?!?!? LOL.
Like, I'm pregnant and obviously EMOTIONAL AS SH*T right now. Clearly I'm going to do irrational stuff! lol, and at least I effing apologized!

Avatar universal
by ribaby15, Jan 21, 2015
Yes Mrs.
I'm trying to find a place for March that I know I can afford now AND when I'm on Maternity leave.
I've got a few viewings this weekend. Let's hope they go well...
I can't move in with my parents. They have a 1 level, 2bdrm house...
I'd have to pay rent still, and it's VERY far from work. So I wouldn't be saving money OR stress (she is the type that gives into riley for everything and drives me insane). And I don't think it's possible to share a room AND a bed with my 5yr old while my bump continues to grow.
My stepdad is an alcoholic and they fight constantly. I need my own place.

2006473 tn?1422033301
by Mrs_teddy_bear, Jan 21, 2015
Well then, best of luck on your search. I hope you find something quickly, in your price range and nice.

I am really sorry he hasn't figured out yet what he is losing.

Avatar universal
by ribaby15, Jan 21, 2015
:( thanks Mrs.
Me too :(
He's acting like a piece of sh*t
And to me, calling someone that, is almost as bad as some women think being called a cu|\|t is.
He's never acted like this. But once I find a place and move - that's it :(
Not that I think we could EVER come back from this... He was my best friend and someone I thought I'd literally spend the rest of my life with. And then BAM :(

1580318 tn?1550254481
by Shannon79, Jan 21, 2015
Good luck on your house hunting search!

I wish you all the best. I was hoping things would turn out differently for you

5575813 tn?1452481085
by Hollus, Jan 21, 2015
I hope you find something soon! You don't need this kind of stress right now.

4769306 tn?1568490209
by KeeLolo, Jan 21, 2015
Also try not catering to him and apologizing so much.... Stop giving him so much attention/power. Show him you are just as strong as he is but STRONGER!!!!

Don't  keep allowing him to see you as being weak and seeing you hurt and crying!!! Make him at least think that nothing he is doing is affecting you.

Don't keep letting  him know your every move (we women tend to do that) go house/apartment looking don't tell him a thing and he will figure it all out when the movers come!!!!

You have to do what you have to do for you and your children. And that is raising them in a safe stable home. You don't want anyone to be with because they felt pressured to be there, but because the truly love you and that's where they want to be. Otherwise you will both just resent each other.....

So love yourself and your children like only you can!!!! I wish u all the bees in this pregnancy #1, in happiness and in love!!!!

Always big Hugs,
KeeLolo


4769306 tn?1568490209
by KeeLolo, Jan 21, 2015
Typo, lol.... All the best!!!!

5575813 tn?1452481085
by Hollus, Jan 21, 2015
Amen Kee!!

Avatar universal
by ribaby15, Jan 21, 2015
Thanks guys! He doesn't know when I'm looking for a place.
His dad just came over (corey is not here) and he was crying. Saying how sorry he is, and that he didn't raise him to be like this etc. It was rough :'( but he told me if I needed help with anything, whether it be money for a place, or help moving - they're there for me. :(

2020005 tn?1628125976
by KTowne, Jan 21, 2015
Awe that is so sweet, good thing you have a good support team!

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