Nov 05, 2009
Today I am feeling so defeated. Why can't anyone give me some straight answers. I just spent another two days in hospital for pain management with this ovarian cyst, that has been controlling my life for the past 6 months. For the last six weeks I've been led to believe that at my GYN appointment in December, I was to be given a date for surgery to remove both ovaries and cysts that have been giving me excrutiating pain. I have an extensive pelvic surgery history which includes 2x C sections, appendectomy, hysterectomy (leaving my ovaries) and the insertion of a 20cm x 18cm mesh inserted to repair incisional hernias caused by a car accident, 12 months after the hysterectomy.
Well here I am at home playing the waiting game again, this time until January 14th. After more ultrasounds, and a TVUS today, I have been told that "the good news is the cyst hasn't grown any bigger", or though the pain is getting worse and worse, on a daily basis. The bad news is, that because of adhesions and mainly the mesh, that now they can't operate just yet, because from what they have been able to see, the surgeon doesn't feel that there is anyway he can get through the gortex mesh, without perforating my bowel, which would lead to a colostmy(sp) bag. He now wants to co-ordinate surgery with a bowel surgeon, so they can make enough of an opening to remove part of the cyst, and do biopsy to check for cancer. In the meantime, I have to live with this pain, and hope to god, that it isn't cancer, cause if it is, its getting a mighty long time to spread, and do whatever it wants to do. Of course i was absolutely shattered by this development, and all they could offer was that they have set up an admittance plan with the ER, so anytime I present to emergency, I am to be admitted straight away, and put on stronger pain meds. He told me my case is very high risk surgery, and he needs to make sure he has all possible scenarios in place. Was that supposed to make me feel better, I don't know!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm a walking time bomb, and they are playing russian roulette with my life. Am I wrong to feel like this? If my insides are so bad they can't see how to get in there, what else can be hiding in amongst the tangled up mess, that is my abdomen. Finding out I won't know when they are going to be able to help me is almost overwhelming, let alone thinking of dealing with this pain for another 2 1/2 months. Any thoughts, before I drive myself completely mental