Nov 22, 2009
I was laying awake last night in so much pain thinking to myself how much longer can I cope with this cr*p its wearing me out now.
I had a phone call from my GP on Friday she got a letter from my neurologist who has told her he wants me to see a rheumatologist and to arrange it ASAP. The last person she wrote to declined as she said all my symptoms are neurological and although my neuro knows a lot are he thinks and has always thought that there is more than one thing going on.
So back on the trail. My GP is going to arrange for me to see a different rheumatologist in the city rather than local. I dont care as long as I get somewhere.
All I want is some peace no pain is that too much to ask really. They offer me medication to help the nerve pain but cant tell me why I am in pain enough to have this medication its ludicrous LOL.
They gave me gabapentin which is horrible and made me feel spaced out, and Amytriptline for the night and when I took it I could hardly get up in the morning.
Why is it soooooooooo hard to find out what is wrong with me.
I have so many things show up.
I just dont know if I have the strength any more to fight this. I sound really self absorbed here but I am not 3 years is a long time to be in pain and have no idea why.
When I was laying there last night trying to get back to sleep I felt like running away as if that would make any difference but sometimes I wonder if it is my life that is causing it. Perhaps if I go somewhere else i will feel better.
I almost feel tempted at times to try it but then reality sets in and I have a good day and all is well with the world again.
I think if I could work out when I am going to have a good or bad day it might help, but everyday is different.
I can have the worse night ever but have a great day, I can sleep like a log without waking up and have the worse day ever its all so confusing.
Oh well tomorrow is another day. Perhaps I will not be so self pitying when I get up tomorrow who knows.
It almost feels like ground hog day. ..............................x