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Birth control or not?  

Feb 17, 2015 - 16 comments

I have no idea what I want to do.   I've hurt so bad for SO long and I literally emotionally and physically can't take it anymore.  I'm at my ropes end so to speak.  My bladder disease causes me constant pain, add in ovarian cysts every month, plus my pain is x10 when I start my period and I want to reach in there myself and rip it all out.  My gyno wants me to start on birth control and give my ovaries a "rest".   He said our chances of conceiving on our own are nearly impossible (and he's right) so we're not helping matters by trying month after month and me being in such pain.  I totally agree except my heart doesn't want to.  I know miracles can happen everyday and like he said, we have almost a zero chance of conceiving, but what if??  Ugh! I hate this and I hate EVERYTHING about this!!!  So I went to the pharmacy and picked up the birth control, then boohoo'd all the way back home.  I haven't started them yet as I will on the Sunday after my next period.  Right now is my O time and even though there's a HUGE chance we won't conceive on our own we're giving it one heck of a last shot.  My bleeding has become god awful again.  Last month I bled so much I was weak, shaky and dizzy for 2 days straight.  My period are so irregular.  My "normal" cycles are around 31 days, but they've went from (for example) 27 days, 26 days, 31 days, 29 days, 30 days,  then 35 days, 27 days, etc etc.  I even had a 42 in there.  Crazy!!  I'm under so much stress and I know that doesn't help matters.  It makes my interstitial cystitis flare and of course it doesn't help with conceiving. :S   I can't help it.  We've been through so much since last September and it hasn't stopped.   So I'm sad about the birth control.  I want to take it, but I don't.  So confusing.  Wished things were easier.   Blah, story of my life.  

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1418198 tn?1483277496
by Rellyrell, Feb 17, 2015
Des I'm so sorry your going through all of this and to top it off it's painful. I know you hear this all the time and it can get hard after awhile but hold you head up and don't lose faith. Your in my continuous prayers.

1418198 tn?1483277496
by Rellyrell, Feb 17, 2015
Des I'm so sorry your going through all of this and to top it off it's painful. I know you hear this all the time and it can get hard after awhile but hold you head up and don't lose faith. Your in my continuous prayers.

1418198 tn?1483277496
by Rellyrell, Feb 17, 2015
Des I'm so sorry your going through all of this and to top it off it's painful. I know you hear this all the time and it can get hard after awhile but hold you head up and don't lose faith. Your in my continuous prayers.

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by Des_a_rae, Feb 17, 2015
Relly,  You've always been so sweet and supportive.  Thank you!!  I'm trying to do just that...

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by pb95, Feb 17, 2015
I know it is a hard thing.  We used a condom for the first time in forever and it was weeeeiiiirrrrd.  Maybe a couple months off would be good for a rest.  And save and focus your positive energy on the plan that is going to work best in a little while which is getting that extra assistance.  I wish things were easier for you too!  I took birth control pills for the first 4 years of our marriage and if I would have known then what I know now, I never would have!  I totally wish I would have gotten pregnant by accident when I was younger but we were so cautious because of what we learned in school!  Hugs to you and your family.  Glad you are still here on MH!

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by Des_a_rae, Feb 17, 2015
Ty PB.  Yes, it feels weird and just wrong.  :(   When Brian and I first got married I didn't want kids at all.  I never wanted to be a mother and kids honestly got on my nerves for some reason.  Then about 3 years later, slowly I started thinking, "what if?".  That turned into the whole not trying, not preventing and when you finally realize nothing's happening it's 9 years into your marriage and (like you said) you wished you'd done something sooner.  :(    I do know the birth control will help with my bleeding but I'm hoping it helps with the pain more.  I do think I could use a "break", I guess.  I just hate the fact that even with our almost zero chance, taking these will make it more of a zero for sure.  

Anyways, tysm for being such a supportive friend.  

Avatar universal
by MyMelBgirl, Feb 17, 2015
Hey Des,
I got your message but got a migraine and was hanging on for dear life till hubs got home to watch this wild one here. I just wanted to point something out quickly here before I go to sleep. If your making cysts (depending on the type of cyst) it can prevent pregnancy and YES those ovaries need to sleep for a while to get rid of them. This was one of my problems and why I couldn't do my IVFs one after another. My ovaries needed to rest and sometimes one month with them shut down wasn't enough. If you don't have a blood clotting disorder (I did and chose to take my chances of a DVT or PE.  I WOULDNT ADVISE THIS) and your ok with the other risk factors BCP presents then I would give your factory a much needed vacation) Pain itself wears a person down, add all the other traumatic stuff you've been thru recently and it's just not good for TTC or anything else. I would think you will feel much better and able to tackle the problem when you are rested and in less pain! I understand the sadness and conflict that you are feeling right now. I really do! It sounds like you have a little time to decide what to do. Whatever you choose you know we are here to support you.  
Sending lots of love your way my dear friend.

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by Des_a_rae, Feb 18, 2015
Tysm Ellen.  I've decided to go ahead and do it and yes, like you said, cysts aren't a good thing.  I've always had cysts and I just hope when we're ready (praying this year and soon!) that those are not what's standing in our way.  I just hope taking this will not only help with the cysts but will also help with the pain.  That's my main problem, the pain.  I have no idea what pain free means :S  I just know having pain that's about a 3 on the pain chart is a normal day that I'm thankful for.  

I really hope your migraine has went away and you're feeling better!  Migraine's are evil!!  

Thank you so much for everything friend!!!  Sending you all love also and lots of squishy hugs for Mel!!  

Avatar universal
by MyMelBgirl, Feb 18, 2015
Cysts are painful...especially when they rupture. I was so sick from the pain and bleeding and thought we were loosing Melanie. I would not be surprised if you didn't get relief immediately. The cyst need to resolve before you feel better.  Chronic pain suc*ks!! I'm sorry your hurting so much.  


Avatar universal
by weaver71, Feb 18, 2015
This may not be a conversation for a man, but I felt drawn to comment. My wife has had many miscarriages, and we finally ended up with a kid. After the first, we were warned that her reproductive organs were not in the best shape, hence the multiple failed attempts. We had another kid anyway, because we tried to adopt, but apparently orphans are only allowed to live with rich people in the US. Anyway, my second kid has disabilities and we love him dearly, though it has made our lives twice as difficult on a daily basis. I am sad for his inability to connect with kids his age. If we could have afforded to give a child a home who didn't have one, everything would likely be much easier for the whole family, especially my wife who feels so horrible for her son's birth defects. I weep for the barren mothers and orphans of the world, it is a gift from the heavens, when they get together to bless and love one another. I'm not sure any of this applies, but I hope you don't give up on children, whether you take birth control or not. I wish you all the best, I truly do. I am sorry for all your suffering and having to make such difficult decisions.

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by KTowne, Feb 18, 2015
Ohh Des! Even if your odds are "nearly impossible" on your own, it's still the hardest thing to resort to, to go on birth control when your greatest wish is to have a baby. But I agree with Ellen, give those ovaries a break, and yourself, and probably even DH a break, and give yourself the best possible fresh start when your ovaries are rested up and the cysts have gone away. I'm praying this year is your year and it's as pain free as possible for both you and DH!

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by Des_a_rae, Feb 18, 2015
Ellen, you are so right.  I have no doubt I've had several rupture.  You go to the Dr. and he wants to drain them and remove them during surgery.  Surgery comes up and Wah-lah, your cysts are gone.  :S   This pain is no joke.  I feel broken spiritually because of both.  I consider myself a "tough cookie" but I can't do it anymore.  

Weaver, tysm for taking your time and commenting on my journal.  I absolutely appreciate any and every opinion and I'm so thankful for all the advice.  I'm so sorry to hear you've both had to deal with such losses.  No one should ever have to go through that.  I am thankful you both were blessed with such miracles.  I couldn't imagine how hard it is to raise and see the hardships of your own child with disabilities, no matter what the circumstances may be.  You're so right about adoption.  For us to have our own child we'd have to have IVF with ICSI.  That's at least $15,000 and insurance will covers my "normal" stuff like ultrasounds, blood work and so forth but no meds and not the procedure itself.  You know, all the expensive stuff.  I've had the whole " why don't you try to adopt" question come up more times than I can count and I try to be nice and explain IF I could afford adoption, I'd at least give myself a try with IVF.  I know most meant well but if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that OR received god awful advice like ...When you quit trying, it'll happen...  I COULD afford my IVF.  It's so hard to keep hoping.  I was married young (and yes I'd do it all over again) at 21 and I'm now 36.  Who knew I'd be in my late 30's with no child of my own.  I'm not saying 36 is old... I just thought IF I were to ever have a child, It would be in my 20's.  That's all.  Thank you so much again and best wishes to you and your family. :)

KTowne, it's so difficult.  You're so right, I guess we both could use a break.  I think the hardest part is actually doing it, taking the medicine but after that I'm sure I'll be okay.  Just gotta get past that part I reckon.  Thankfully during this time we have some things coming up that I can focus more on and not have to worry about this.  Then, eventually when we're ready again we'll have a fresh start.  :)   Tysm for everything!!  You're always so thoughtful! I'm so lucky to have such supportive friends.  

Avatar universal
by katmandu516, Feb 18, 2015
Hey Weav- Sorry about your wife's miscarriages and your son whom your heart aches for every day. And I'm so sure you're right about the rich getting all the adoptions because they have the most money to BUY one.  The sordid topic of coin...is a terrible one. I feel everything you posted, and in excellent Weaver eloquence. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us all and I know it can only do good. Funny how life is. Some people just skate through life.  Money, intelligence, families with children that are out of a Norman Rockwell paintings. All the things people like us only dream of. I know I had to kick and scratch my way through life, work my as* off for every penny.  And others just get everything handed to them.  It's just not fair. Just my two cents and thanks for listening.
Kat

And Desarae, I hope and pray that God will bless you with as many children as you want some day. I only had one son, and after that I had 2 ectopic pregnancies, which resulted in my tubes being tied. Bleeding ovaries, and no chance of having any other children. That being said, I do have 2 beautiful grandchildren also. So I was blessed in that way. But I always felt guilty that I could never give my son a brother or a sister. But good luck and take good care of yourself.
Kat

790669 tn?1465189099
by Des_a_rae, Feb 18, 2015
Kat, thank you!  So sorry to hear of your struggles.  I will never understand why we have to deal with such heartbreaking issues.  They push us to the point of no return.  No hopes, shattered dreams, what else is left?  All we can do is try.  I'm so thankful you had your son and even more thankful he blessed you not only with himself but your beautiful grandchildren also.  Thank you for commenting on my journal.  I wish you the best also!  

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by tiadreams, Feb 20, 2015
Hi Des, I saw your post about your dr wanting to give your ovaries a rest. I get both sides of it. When you want a family so badly to go on BC seems so stupid! But I also get the concept of resting your girls. Maybe giving them a rest would also give you a rest and for whatever reason a lot of women seem to get pregnant when they stop trying! Another thing to consider is having this particular test done that a friend of mine had. Her symptoms are similar to yours although I don't believe she's ever had a cyst except for maybe following an egg retrieval. She has micro endo and had a polyp removed from her uterus but otherwise normal cycles and has never in 10 years gotten pregnant. Her RE did a test that a Yale dr patented called an EFT. It checks the uterine environment at different times of your cycle to see if it is doing what it is supposed during what would normally be implantation time. My friend ended up with two different diagnoses which she wasn't happy about but it did rest her mind since she didn't know for 10 years why she never got pregnant. Now she is trying to correct her uterine enviro. The Yale dr will communicate with you directly too as he did with my friend. I think it runs $500 and involves uterine bios at two different times of the month. For now just take that break and hopefully get some pain relief and then you can start fresh after a short break. You can always say you have the flu every time someone invites you to their baby shower as well! No one pregnant wants a sick person near them! I know after all my failures and when I was having all day hot flashes at 43, the entire world of women my age and older seemed to be popping out babies. No kidding, a co-worker who was 44 at the time got pregnant naturally and invited me to her shower the day I found out I had failed my second transfer and had no embryos left. I almost fell over. Try, try, try to keep your head up and your pride strong. You will get there. Hugs.

790669 tn?1465189099
by Des_a_rae, Feb 20, 2015
Tysm Tia,

Yes it sounds so stupid and wrong but if it'll help and give me some much needed relief and given the facts that our "miracle" is almost zero then that's okay.  I've had 2 surgeries and my first they had to remove endo and a polyp in my uterus also and they said my uterus looked really good.  Our conceiving issue is we have zero sperm to work with.  I've had 2 surgeries total and lots of ultrasounds, regular and transvaginal and they've all been fine.  My ovaries look good and was told by the RE who did my first surgery he saw no reason why I couldn't get pregnant and carry a baby.  Then we got the blow of our sperm issue.  

[email protected] no one wants someone sick around them.  That's VERY true!!  TY for that laugh.  And yes, that's how it's seeming to me right now.  New baby born in December 2014, one due in January 2015, twins due in July 2015 and that's just in my family.  So depressing!!  

Tysm for the support!  

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