Feb 17, 2015
I have no idea what I want to do. I've hurt so bad for SO long and I literally emotionally and physically can't take it anymore. I'm at my ropes end so to speak. My bladder disease causes me constant pain, add in ovarian cysts every month, plus my pain is x10 when I start my period and I want to reach in there myself and rip it all out. My gyno wants me to start on birth control and give my ovaries a "rest". He said our chances of conceiving on our own are nearly impossible (and he's right) so we're not helping matters by trying month after month and me being in such pain. I totally agree except my heart doesn't want to. I know miracles can happen everyday and like he said, we have almost a zero chance of conceiving, but what if?? Ugh! I hate this and I hate EVERYTHING about this!!! So I went to the pharmacy and picked up the birth control, then boohoo'd all the way back home. I haven't started them yet as I will on the Sunday after my next period. Right now is my O time and even though there's a HUGE chance we won't conceive on our own we're giving it one heck of a last shot. My bleeding has become god awful again. Last month I bled so much I was weak, shaky and dizzy for 2 days straight. My period are so irregular. My "normal" cycles are around 31 days, but they've went from (for example) 27 days, 26 days, 31 days, 29 days, 30 days, then 35 days, 27 days, etc etc. I even had a 42 in there. Crazy!! I'm under so much stress and I know that doesn't help matters. It makes my interstitial cystitis flare and of course it doesn't help with conceiving. :S I can't help it. We've been through so much since last September and it hasn't stopped. So I'm sad about the birth control. I want to take it, but I don't. So confusing. Wished things were easier. Blah, story of my life.