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MY SO CALLED LIFE

Dec 19, 2009 - 3 comments

Hi my name is symmone i am 31 and have heard voices for years.My emotions vary from hour to hour,i have four voices three which i could do without that whisper and laugh, sing and shout and annoyingly talk about the people i talk to and make me paranoid.The last which calls him self michel is the most frieghtning thing i could ever imagine,if i dnt do the things he tells me to do mostly self harm he makes my life horrid.I feel so alone and dnt trust anyone.The thing is dealing with the lack of emotion or feelings for family,the hatered for myself and my life and the fear of what to come.I also loose time and do things like cut my hair off and dnt even no ive done it and often see shadows following me.Family want to help but it makes me so angery that they dont understand and i no i sound totally crazy.ive never felt so alone and isolated from everyone and everything.I take haloperidol and to be honest the only reason i take them i so my family feel better thinking that i have meds for this repulsive state im in.    
Has anyone recoverd from being like me.xxxxxxxxxx

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585414 tn?1288941302
by ILADVOCATE, Dec 19, 2009
You should not think of yourself as less than a person in anyway because you have a psychiatric disability. I well understand though those symptoms are very distressing. Having recovered from schizoaffective disorder I have been through a lot that you described before my current recovery (but as I've posted that medication is still in Phase II FDA study). Some of what you describe are negative symptoms (feeling isolated from the world, having trouble relating to people). Those are generally better treated by the newer antipsychotics (from Risperdal to Abilify, the two newest being Fanapt and Saphris). The others are clinically known as positive symptoms (not as in good but as in things that shouldn't be there that are) such as hallucinations or delusions. I well remember I didn't get that much of a response from the older antipsychotics but did better on the newer ones (those are called the atypicals as I said Risperdal was the first and there are many more FDA approved options). You might want to speak to your psychiatrist about all this.

Avatar universal
by bluetray1, Dec 19, 2009
Hi Symmone,
I know from experience that sometmes our own families don't seem to understand and this is painful for us.
I wrote a letter to my family explaining how i felt about my situation which is different from yours, but it may help if
you can sit down and calmly write about what you're experiencing.
perhaps you can write it down to show your therapist or psychiatrist.
when you feel up to it maybe you can write down how you feel regarding your family; think about this.
don't overwhelm yourself with too many details, but it felt good for me to get it out even if some still didn't understand.
it may be therapeutic to write about it.
you can do it on the computer also which makes it easier and then print it out if you have a printer.
either way, hand written or typed may help put things in some sort of order for you yourself symmone.
you are a person with the same rights as anyone else ofcourse.
please take ILDADVOCATES advice about the medications because they can change your life for the better; just have to give it a chance symmone.
meds take time to work and it sounds like you just haven't found the right ones.
you may even want to show your doctor what you have written here and what others have suggested; could make things easier for you; let's make life as easy as it can be : )
the voices don't tell you the truth symmone.  you must never listen to the voices. you must listen to your own good voice from within yourself and maybe from God if you bellieve in God.
never listen to the voices; never....except the voice of yourself and others who want to help you feel better.
try as hard as it is not to take the voices seriously; this will take practice.
you may also want to consider talking with a therapist also as well as a psychiatrist.....

rabin/take good care : )

Avatar universal
by symmone, Dec 19, 2009
Im so pleased that i can talk to you all and i dont feel crazy,thankyou for all your views and am really going to try and give it a good go to stay positive .I do see a psychiatist but have been avoiding my appointments for some time now,they get on my nerves i feel that even they cant do anything but listen to how im so sick of living and give me another appointment, but if ILDADVOCATES is recoverd then their is hope all i want is to find me again and its taking so long im afraid there is nothing left of my own personality .Thanks for being here and your kind advice.  

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