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An Outcast?

Mar 26, 2015 - 8 comments

Lately, well for the past couple of years I've been feeling like the "infertile outcast" with my dads side of the family.  I'm super close to this side of the family, we all live fairly close to each other and spend a lot of holidays together etc.  The girls on this side of the family, my cousins are all "fertile myrtle's" and as of this June we'll have 7 babies (yes I say babies) all under the age of 4.  It took me awhile to choke that feeling down.  Anyways, the "mother's" all get together once a week to do a dinner.  They'll try new recipe's and so forth.  I see everyone pull up at my cousin's house and it really hurts my feelings.  Am I not included because I don't have kids???   I know I'm not included to movies and park dates because I don't have kids, but for a recipe date as well?   I don't want to bring this up to them or I'm afraid to.  I don't want to bring attention to myself and especially for the obvious of not having kids of my own.  I just don't know how to handle it. Should I just leave it alone?  I don't want them going " aww no, we'd never do that on purpose" and then be invited because I questioned the whole situation.  UGH!!!!!  I hate everything about infertility.  

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1580318 tn?1550254481
by Shannon79, Mar 26, 2015
That's a tough one Des.

Maybe they just didn't invite you because you'd feel out of place being the only one there without kids? I'm just guessing. It's really hard to know why without asking.

Maybe call one of them up and just ask if you join them sometime.

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by Rellyrell, Mar 26, 2015
I agree with Shannon, maybe they feel like asking you would be putting you in the spot or make you feel awkward since you don't have children yet... Yes I said yet and I really mean it I believe you'll have a child/children one day soon...

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by Mrs_teddy_bear, Mar 26, 2015
I agree. Asking to join them might not be a bad idea.

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by KTowne, Mar 26, 2015
I agree with shannon, I would definitely call and ask to join them, its probably less to exclude you than it is not wanting to upset you seeing all the kids.

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by heather727, Mar 26, 2015
I suggest you offer to host the next recipe get-together. That way you don't have to ask to be invited and they don't feel awkward for accidentally overlooking you previously (as I'm sure is the case). I confess that as a mom, I tend to forget about my friends without kids. It's not on purpose, trust me. I just happen to be around other moms more because of our kids. I'm sure that once you're at one event, you'll be brought into the loop on the others.

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by krichar, Mar 26, 2015
I say invite yourself...if you are close to them all and there's no reason they aren't inviting you, just go :) I would!! Maybe they know it hurts you to be the only one without kids YET, and don't want to add to it, so show them it's ok...just join in! That way you don't feel like you're getting a pity invite :)

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by Des_a_rae, Mar 26, 2015
Thank you ladies so much!!!  Yes I definitely don't want to be a pity invite.  I just love being around them so much during other holidays and would like to be included in other things.  I saw them all outside the other day and here I sat at home so I just text my cousin and said "are you all going to be outside for awhile, I was gonna walk over" and she's like "yes, come on over!!".  

That's a good idea Heather.  I know they don't do it on purpose and I have never thought that but if it makes sense, it hurts worse not being invited because of the awkward situation (them having kids and me not) than I think just not being invited at all for no reason.  I hope that's not confusing sounding.  I know at certain times I can't help but feel sorry for myself and upset that I don't have kids and they do, BUT there are times when I'm okay being around them and their kids.  I laugh and giggle, play with the kids..have a really good time.  I know it's an unpredictable feeling and I don't expect anyone to be a mind reader but it'd be nice to be included.  

Thank you all for the advice!!  

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by MyMelBgirl, Mar 26, 2015
I have a different take on this but I really need to translate from thoughts to paper.

Got your message. Will probably share my response to this journal there.
In the meantime I wanna wish you the best whatever you choose to do.
Love you Des,
M &E

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