Jan 12, 2010
First, I want to say I know how difficult the journey can be. Every month your emotions are on a roller coaster of highs and low and the appearance of AF can be devastated. I just want to share my story for those who are still TTC. DO NOT GIVE UP!
I married DH when I was only twenty. Some say that may be a little young, but I knew from the beginning it was right for us. The first five years of our marriage was full of traveling and sightseeing and doing all those things I knew I wouldn't be able to do once I became a mother. I went to college, got a degree, and then at twenty-five we decided it was time to start our family. I was never on birth control pills, we only used condoms, so I never thought there would be any sort of delay in me getting pregnant.
The first few months went by and I never really questioned anything. I knew that it can take a normal couple up to a year to conceive so I didn't get overly disappointed, but as the months went by, I dreaded AF coming. After a year, DH and I decided to see a doctor. After many test and many doctor's visits, we found out there was NOTHING wrong with either of us. My body worked normally and his sperm were perfect. It was called Unexplained Infertility. The months dragged on and on and I could feel myself slowly going downhill. I was so obsessed with getting pregnant, not much else mattered. DH was an angel. He stood by me no matter what I was feeling and no matter how my emotions got the best of me.
Four years passed and still no pregnancy. Not even a 'scare'. My period was like clockwork, every 28 days. During the four year we began to discuss other options such as adoptions. DH told me whatever I wanted he would support. I looked into a few agencies but was not ready to give up my dream quite yet.
When 2005 started, I decided that I would make a decision before the year was out. We would try until August and then if nothing happened we would pursue adoption.. August came and went and still nothing. In September we took a three week vacation to the Caribbean. It was a wonderful trip! Nothing like sand and sun on tropical Islands to put your mind at rest. :) It was October when we returned and life got back to normal. In November, DH wanted to give it one more try. I really didn't want to. I was finally getting my head around the idea of adoption, but he had been so supportive of me throughout the years that I reluctantly agreed. I got out my OPK and we BD'd every single day!
My period was due on December 2nd and as that day approached, I was an emotional wreck. I was crying for no reason, my stomach was upset, and just wanted to hide. DH came home on the day I was expected AF with a HPT. I looked at it as if it was going to bite me or something. I refused to take the test. In the wee hours of December 3rd, I woke up to use the bathroom. The test was laying on the bathroom counter. I stared at it for a few minutes and then bit the bullet. IT WAS POSITIVE ALMOST INSTANTLY!!! DH heard me screaming. He ran into the bathroom and I had the test in my hand. After 5 long, emotional years, I finally got my BFP!
The pregnancy was uneventful and in July of 2006 I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. On his first birthday, DH and I decided we would tempt the fates one more time. Two years later, almost to the day, I found out I was pregnant again. This time, it didn't have a happy ending. When I was 11 weeks along, my OB did a dating scan and found the heartbeat had stopped at 7 weeks. I was completely devastated. We ended up having a D&C because my body would not let go and miscarry on its own. For the next few months I didn't even want to think about another child. I had my son and I was forever grateful.
In April of 2009 DH and I decided, yet again, to try for one more. I was scared out of my mind. The five years to get pregnant with my first was hard enough, but when you add in the miscarriage and the D&C and the sheer helplessness and sorrow a woman feels after that, I wasn't sure if I could do it again. After long discussions, I said okay. We would try until the end of the year and then if nothing, that's it, no more. Four months later, I found out I was pregnant again. I was so afraid of something going wrong that I really couldn't get excited about it, but as the days and months went by and I seen my little man on u/s and heard his heartbeat and now that I feel him kicking me almost constantly, I am at ease that everything is going to be fine. I am now in my 28th week and I know that this will be my last pregnancy, as I feel our family is complete and I do not want to go through the emotional roller coaster anymore.
My message to all of you who are still TTC is this....DO NOT EVER GIVE UP!! It WILL happen for you when the time is right. I know the pain and heartache you are going through. It took my five years to get my dream and yours will come true too. :)