All Journal Entries Journals
Previous | Next

wheres God in all this....

Jan 12, 2010 - 20 comments

God has been a huge part of my recovery....during my active addiction I walked away from the grace he gave me
and his deliverance of my addictions.....God never left me I left god...I had my reasons and to me they where good reasons...at this point in life ....life thew me a curve ball....my wife was stricken with cronic illness and was bed riden
for over 7 yr of her life...I had 4 kids under the age of 10 and need a mom to take care of them...I asked myself where was god in all this..after much prayer and time waiting I finely lost hope..and said to myself if this is the blessing ill take the curse....as already stated my addiction to pain pills was already out of control...my kids where growing up
and where starting to have there own problems...my daughter at the age of 13 hit the streets as a crack/methamphetamine addict it wasent till she was 16 and got into a near fatal auto accident that I needed god
in a big way again....my daughters diagnosis was she was going to be parlizes from the broken back she got in the accedent...first it was bone chips in her spinal cord...then it was that + the cord was crushed flat...on top of that there was a bruze the size of a grapfruit on the whole mess....any one of the 3 injury's was enough to paralyze her...
I need god to show up in the worst way...and he did thew much prayer and a miracle from god my daughter walks today..shes drug free and going on 21 now...god delivered me again and renewed my faith in him...once again
I started to put God first in my life and slowly things started to change...my wife recovered...a miracle again
now it was my turn...here I sit with a huge addiction im told the longer your on and the higher you dose the worrst
it is to break free of...I need god once again and once again God was there to walk this whole thing out with me
although the road to recovery was ruff...God had my back thew the whole prossess ...each time I would hit a stumbling block ..I would have friends in the church pray over me and each time thew much prayer I would eventually get past the roadblock ....I was tearafied  of my final withdrawal...it should have been severe but
with gods abundant grace I was given a withdrawal that was uncomfortable yes but very doable and nothing like
what I thought I had coming...god showed up again...today I rely alot on gods abundant grace to keep my active addiction at bay..if your in withdrawals pray to Jesus he has much grace to give and at 3am he's all you got
ask him to help you and he will...prayer is a powerful weapon on the war of addiction and I dont think I could have done this without God showing up....so give it a try pray with all your heart and see the abundant grace he freely gives those that ask of it...it helped me beyond measure ....good luck and god bless.....Gnarly        

Comments
Post a Comment
1124967 tn?1283705847
by jlb191, Jan 24, 2010
Amen!  Wonderful and inspiring post.  Our God is an awesome God!  So great to hear stories of those that truely believe in him and his powers of healing.  He loves us so unconditionaly.  God bless you gnarly!

Avatar universal
by sue655, Feb 24, 2010
That was lovely, I am soooo pleased for you and your family, thank you for taking the time out to reply to me, unfortunatley I have only just read it today 24/02/10, I managed to get through my rattle over three months now, I do go to meetings regulary so I am sort of trying to get god back in my life, great you have and its worked for you and yours, take care, sue655

Avatar universal
by les05, Apr 02, 2010
What a lovely story,I am so glad that you and your family are doing so well,I confess I have never been a big believer in God,not that I dont believe,I have just never thought about it,reading your story is making me think,Thank you

Avatar universal
by ineverthought, May 05, 2010
WOW! A big AMEN to you:  HE has moved mountains plus given you the strength to climb them!

I'm a single mom w/for the most part wonderful children that deserve better & would be so disappointed if they knew.  I mean we all have our crosses to bear & i am no different.  I want to be clean for so many reasons, & am struggling on day 3!  I know there are people who have stronger/longer addictions then mine.

I am currently unemployed Laid off & need to be clean for that reason, too, i would hate to fail a test for a newly acquired job which is hard to think of right now!

Mine started out from c-sect (1st child) & surgery (broken hand) that still hurts to this day w/the blasted titanium plates that i feel raped by that medical "professional"  he told me there would be minor recovery (MINOR MY HINEY)  i went in for outpatient surgery to repair broken hand that Ishould have been admiited & walked out of there with HOTDOGS FOR FINGERS.  I feel blessed to have my ability to use that hand to this day.

So my love affair w/the painkillers began, & i continued to get them even when the doctor stopped presribing: WHAT A WASTE!

I will keep reading as many of the posts in this community for inspiration as i can:  this site is certainly a blessing because I've only been able to share this problem with a few close friends, who are supportive.

I'm thankful for your candid sharing of your testimony.

1434665 tn?1289855538
by fey501, Sep 04, 2010
gnarly:

I just read your journal entry.  It moved me to tears.  I just had someone prayer over me and in her prayer she used some of your same expressions.  I was on dr prescribed oxy 30mg 2 x a day for almost 2 years.  It started to make me sick.  It truly became bondage.  I like you went through hard times, my ex and my husband died within 2 months of each other last year.  While I was taking the oxy's for legit pain, they also blocked out emotional pain.  Other things happened over the last two years that threw me into this life.  I was raised a christian, to rely on God, but relied on "pills" over time.  I justified it by saying a doctor gave it to me.  Never did nothing illegal.  Did not know this stuff was so powerful.  It ended up robbing me and keeping me in bondage.  I detoxed last weekend (wanted out--my choice).   However, don't crave, never used them to get high, but the physical symptoms --whether it be the methodone or the oxy's still not out I don't know.  I thank God he spared your wife and daughter--please if you and your wife could remember me in prayer.  I have family, friends, etc. but I'm home alone with my 10 year old son and I hate him seeing me like this.  Pray for quick deliverence of this period.  Thank you.

1253584 tn?1332877954
by ang_811, Oct 26, 2010
Mark...

i love this journal entry..Y am i just now reading it?..im glad i did. its really something i need to read today.... ur freind,  <3 angie

1488396 tn?1288269364
by Zinc74, Oct 27, 2010
Thank you for sharing stories like this. I have a story to tell too. My friend's story actually. When I and my friend Zel became believers way back in University days, we began praying that our families would follow suit. Zel never missed any single opportunity to share to her family but her dad had often ignored her and had never wanted to listen even once. One day, he met an accident and had never been able to move since. He got paralyzed. He could only express his emotion through his eyes.He couldn't speak either. Grazel would read to him portions of Scripture any chance she could get and continued to talk to him about Jesus. He couldn't leave this time; being pinned down to bed as a result of the accident.The paralyzed man had no choice but to listen. Listened to God's word in the morning and in the evening. This went on for six months until he was finally freed from physical suffering.

God loves us, and boy how he wanted us to experience his love to have at least a foretaste of heaven on this dismal planet but we keep on evading him as though he's some kind of a jerk or whatever unpleasant personality we have conceived him to be; because the prince of this world has blinded us and corrupted our thoughts - but of course that's mostly with our permission, consciously and unconsciously given.

My prayer is for my family and friends to acknowledge the Lord and enjoy him while they are still in the best of health and not have to wait for a debilitating illness to be refrained from being able to walk past any opportunity of hearing his precious precious word.

God is a passionate lover. He's creative too. And if paralysis is what it takes for Grazel's dad to be in a position where he could listen to His life-giving word everyday, nothing could thwart it.  

Avatar universal
by paige4444, Oct 31, 2010
Great entry.It is soooo true God is here with us and never leaves us.He is with us throught the beginning,the middle, and the end.Whats most important is that God carries us and is with us through the middle of it,and we come out int the end.Thanks to Gods grace and glory.I think to myself,as I am on day nine of recovery from vicodin 7.5/500 Im not exactly where I want to be,but thank God Im not where I use to be:).My recovery has brought me closer to my family and God.I have made so many new friends through all of this.Just remember God never leaves you.When he closes one door,he opens another.......              Haave a wonderful day and God Bless You.                       Paige

1235186 tn?1549257619
by atthebeach, Dec 10, 2010
hey marc,
what a beautiful testimony. by the grace and mercy of the Lord my family is healing day by day. my husband has been clean for 291 days. he has once again begun to minister to other addicts. he is a licensed minister. one year ago he was suicidal, i was filing for divorce. my kids were a mess, 2 were using and my young ones 10 & 12 were so emotionally damaged, lots of fear, anger, anxiety, insecure,problems in school,physical issues, such as gerd,psoriasis,stomach problems,( all related to anxiety). but God and His sovereignity has healed beyond measure my 25 and 19 year old are now drug free also, my daughter 19 got arrested and went to outpatient has been clean one year. my 25 yr. old son after 10 years of using has been clean 1 and  a half years. my children were all raised in an assembly of God church. my oldest son 25 hasn't come back to church yet and i say yet, the word is hid in his heart and it will not return void. the prodigal will return. praise the Lord for breaking the chains of bondage and addiction for both you and my family. He is able to do great and mighty things which we know not. i am gonna praise His Name,each day He's just the same.
God bless you and your family,
debbie

Avatar universal
by Mgirl77, Feb 03, 2011
oh my gosh i can't believe all u & ur family have gone thru.. i feel like my addiction WDs are nothing compared to that. inspiring story tho. how long have u been clean of everything?

1700527 tn?1307366486
by Sallie_Sunshine, Jun 03, 2011
AMEN TO THAT BROTHER....

I may add, GOD said in the BIBLE, That he would never take a problem away from us, But he will hold our hand through it....

PRAISE THE LORD....

HALLELUJAH.....  

GOD works in mysterious ways....

The BIBLE is a journal for many people.....

GOD BLESS....



Avatar universal
by thisisreallygettingold, Jun 07, 2011
You are truly an inspiration from God, I needed that so bad.  I too slipped away from God during my abuse. Satan is very good at deceiving us, that you need these pills, that you can take just one more.  He is the father of all lies.  I pray that God will break the chains that bind us to hell. God bless.

Avatar universal
by selfinduced, Jun 13, 2011
Not sure if was curiousity or God's hand that brought me to reading your journal this morning. All I know is it spoke to me in a very intimate way. Your story is an amazing testimonial and your post to others show your wisdom and conviction tho helping others. You are a very special person. Thank you

1808884 tn?1324345703
by comfortquinn, Sep 25, 2011
That was amazing.  I think my life is bad.  Your plate was overflowing like niagara falls!  You are an inspiration!  I have been starting to pray at 3am and when ever.  Thank you!  i am sure God is using you to help me and others.  This is truly amazing!

193905 tn?1325397189
by redbull, Nov 19, 2011
MY GOD! Where's your disclaimer that says if your just 6 days clean Don't Read This Yet? I thought I stopped crying yesterday. That is an incredable story, thankyou for sharing that (I think) It certainly shows me that my little problems can and will be handled through faith. You're one cool person and I'm really just speechless. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for the time you spend talking to me.

Avatar universal
by goingcrazy401, Jan 19, 2012
Wow and what a story Today is my 10th day and I have just been crying out to Jesus to help me when it gets really bad. I have been an alcoholic and addict since the age of 15  I was kicked out when I turned 16 cause I refused to give up dope. I don't believe there is anything I haven't done,  I turned my back on God and I can see that now.  I have tried so many times in the last 37 years to be clean but have always ended up using a different substance to fill the void.  I have had several surgeries and 3 rounds with cancer and I am currently on disability so i figured I deserved to be able to stay medicated.then when my failed personal relationships with spouses and family happened I would just take more to cover the pain. Now I can see it was me and the drugs not them. I went to the sub clinic to get meds to help stop the insanity and the doc was a christian  He told me i was very lucky to be alive and God must have a plan for me to have kept me here.  He said I would be on subs for years because of my addiction or I could let go and let God and he did something very different than most doctors. He prayed for me in the office.  I went back  2 days later and he raised the dose and prayed again but this time I felt the presence of God. That was something I haven't felt for a long time.  So I had 21 8 mg subs for the week and I started tapering immediately. So here I am on my 10th day clean and praying every time I get the urge,  Thanks for your post cause it has really helped me today.

2039461 tn?1330090231
by jesse1985, Feb 22, 2012
wow brother!! thats great how you see things now and god bless..im going through some real tough times as well...but nothing like that u experienced...but now u have God and good will power...just what i need and looking for my wife and kid are now gone and im trying to get off methadone as well im down to 13mg today from 105...i cant eat or sleep but u gave me more insperation  in your story so thx and ill will take my heart ,soul, and try to keep fighting thanks again man..

Avatar universal
by mandi66, Feb 26, 2015
All I can say is WOW!!!! It is 2/26/15, and you are still inspiring others!!! I have read so much on this forum and every t ime I get to feeling low, I come on again and read, cry, and pray.  Your testimony is truly amazing and is STILL helping others.  Thank u so much for sharing.   mandi

18872118 tn?1469864942
by TooLongOn, Jul 30, 2016
Dear Gnarly,
Please let me tell you how grateful I am to hear of both your wife's recovery and daughter's.  I praise His Holy Name for Blessing you so.  Perhaps the worst thing of all about the methadone was falling asleep, whenever I tried to pray or read His Word.  Next in line was my nieces and nephews seeing me nod off all the time and asking my sisters why aunt Patsy falls asleep all the time.  
I pray you and your family remain well.
Patsy/AKA TooLongOn

Avatar universal
by KLB84, Nov 11, 2017
Thank you for this.

Post a Comment