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Rough Day!!!

Jun 05, 2015 - 7 comments

If ever I was gonna relapse and take pain meds today would have been the day. And not for pain either. Just a ridiculous amount of stress. I now see WHY I took so many opiates for such a long time. I NEED TO FIX MY LIFE before it comes back to bite me. Not sure where to start but I have to make some MAJOR changes. And I am going to make this a priority because nobody and nothing is going to stand in the way of my recovery. I came dangerously close to giving up today because my whole life has turned into a big no-win situation. Time to clean house emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Wish me luck.

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Avatar universal
by pillguy, Jun 06, 2015
If it weren't for the side effects I'd continue to use narcotics.  I've told my counselor this on numerous occasions.  Does it help with depression?  Sure, for many of us.  How about energy.  Yep, that too.   But the long term consequences outweigh any perceived benefit.  There's other substances that behave in a similar way.  Steroid injections in my knees are an absolute delight.  Pain is minimized, I can walk, hike even a little bit of climbing.  You just can't use steroids on a continuous basis as the problems outweigh the benefits.  Narcotics are the same.  No matter how much you want those short term benefits, they come with those longterm costs we so often read about here.  It just doesn't make much sense.  Taking stock of those conditions that make you desire those short term is a wise thing indeed.  Good luck with those changes!


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by VICourageous, Jun 06, 2015
You are so right!
It was easy to get high with this or that for almost 40yrs. Never really any reason except to party or everyone was trying it. The opiates are the ones that got me hooked in the 90s because of some serious pain, and then I went up and got the Methadone prescribed. I c/t 3 meds at once and I thought I would NEVER make it. I had a long physical w/ds and each day a new layer was removed for the better. The mental is what really freaked me out.
WE have to learn to live in our own skin. WE have to learn to live life on it's terms. I used to be on every day & night for over 2yrs. When I had 18m in I lost both parents and in-law, plus my Boy dog who was my child, and a few good friends, all in a 90 day period. It was so so so so Fing hard not to run and hide on something or even drink. Then in 24m I had 2 stents put in my heart. MAN did I get tested for over 2yrs. NOW I am going on 3yrs and all is calming down a bit. I study Addiction in a more Scientific way and now understand why we get hooked and what it does to all the Brain Chems and such. This is very interesting and it does help me to stay clean. I had to UP and Change my outside Support so many times for all these different reasons. I still do meetings and church.
SO...Just hang tight and have PATIENCE, for it does take TIME for all the Brain Chems, Hormones, Transmitters and Receptors and so on to Balance out. Try to keep yourself re-directed as best as you can. YOU will be FINE IN TIME!!!
I wish you the best.

Avatar universal
by msdelight, Jun 06, 2015
Hi patty, yep that's the trick. Fixing the things that make you want to use. Its hard to soar with the eagles when you are surrounded by turkeys, eh? I'm almost 21 months, and these days like you had still show up for me. What I learned though is that I can only fix me! Some people just don't want to play nice, and you can't make them. (insert my husband here ).  So I changed how I react. Hurting myself doesn't change anything. It sux waking up and realizing what you allowed yourself to put up with. Give it time. God and karma will show up. Things will change as they always do. Change what you can and sit tight until you feel stronger. Tomorrow is a new day!

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by meegWpaw, Jun 06, 2015
Patty--i totally agree with you and the stuff people said in comments, especially pg.  It is SO HARD dealing with all the emotions and with ... well, with Life ... without any opiates,drugs or alcohol.  God, its hard.  And it doesn't really get easier but we get more accustomed to and more equipped to cope with life and the issues it presents the more clean time we have.  Also, since i relapsed OVER and OVER for a long time, i think it is CRUCIAL to step up, redouble, increase, whatever, your support for those first few pivotal months ... and for as long thereafter as you need to!  That I think is what changed this time around in my recovery --- WAY more support.  You can't do it alone.  good luck you are doing great!


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by qpatty, Jun 06, 2015
Thank you everyone. I'm still hanging in there. Tomorrow will be 90 days and for me that is huge! I'm not going back and that is why I must make changes in my life. You see, everybody in my life is used to me being a doormat because that is how I have taught them how to treat me. But that is no longer acceptable to me and I must reteach those that want to stay in my life and those that don't want to learn can hit the highway!

My youngest daughter is taking me on a roadtrip next friday, just the two of us, to get away from it all for a few days. We are going to Toronto where she is in a 15k run. It will be good to escape, even for a few days. Besides she is about the only one in my life that actually likes the new me that stands up for myself so spending time with her will be therapeutic.

I have allowed my life to fall into shambles because I didn't care as long as I kept myself drugged. Now I must rebuild my life and some days it just seems like an insurmountable task. But I will soldier on. As my very wise grandson tells me: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time, Nonny, one bite at a time." Love that kid.  Patty

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by Heather8448, Jun 06, 2015
no matter what meegy! if I can do it you can!!
you working steps?

5685035 tn?1423932969
by Heather8448, Jun 06, 2015
sorry I read this wrong LOL
I feel the pain though...90 days is HUGE. Proud of you and I am glad to see your still clean
are you in any type of aftercare?
i know it saved my life

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