Jun 16, 2015
Don't get me wrong. I'm SO thankful and happy it happened so easy for her. I'm also thankful this wasn't an "accident". I'm not sure how I'd feel about it if it was. Awhile back she text and was talking to me about her and her BF were thinking about trying for a baby. I was happy for her and prayed they didn't have the complications that we have or any complications at all for that matter. I'm also thankful she gave me the heads up and didn't just spring it on me. Did I think it would happen this fast? No! Was I prepared, No! I love my sister to death and there's no doubt I'll spoil him or her to the ends of the earth but that doesn't make my heart hurt any less. They came by and she showed me the pregnancy test and at first I wasn't for sure it was what I was seeing. Then I busted out crying, couldn't talk or breathe. Happy for them, jealous, ashamed for feeling jealous, so many emotions. My mom came with them and I could see the smile on her face, the tears of joy in her eyes. Not from my surprise, from my sisters. I thank GOD, I truly do for it happening so easily for her. I'd never want anyone to go through the pain or the years of being unable to conceive. I hugged her up, told her I loved her and congratulations. How do I keep from crying about this? I'm sure in time it will get easier... good lord. I can't even type it for crying, much less talk about it. Also, Mom announced it on facebook and I know she's super excited but then I see the "Who Danielle or David?" I don't see my name in there anywhere because we ALL know I can't get pregnant. And then I get the pity messages. "Des you're going to be the best aunt ever". Again, I appreciate the support and everything but I feel so singled out and pitied. Is the "you're going to be the best aunt ever" pity for, bummer it wasn't you? I can't think right now. I can't express how I feel without feeling angry at my sister and that's not it at all so I hope and pray this doesn't come across as that. She's 21, she'll be 22 in July and her and her boyfriend have been together 6 years this month.