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Day 23-Baby steps that feel bigger

Jan 25, 2010 - 0 comments

So, 23 days without a single drink.  No physical symptoms.  (Didn't think I would anyway).  And its becoming easier to deal with mentally.  Actually went out to dinner Friday to our "usual" spot.  The bartender already had my "usual" poured on the bar.  My husband took it and asked the bartender for a club soda with a splash of cranberry for me. "You, know...the point thing" he said to Dylan.   I didn't even have to do anything.  You can't imagine how huge that is for us.  I honestly feel my husband gets it now.  This isn't a "phase" I'm in for a few weeks.  This is how it's going to be.  

I wonder if everyone else has experienced the changes sobriety is making in so many other areas of my life.  I wouldn't say they are big things...nothing monumental.  But I actually do what I say I'm going to do now...pretty much all the time.  THings I commit to to others and to myself.  I am trying to lose some weight, and in the past have never been a great dieter.  Easily distracted and convinced by my moods that it is OK to cheat, cuz of x, y or z.  I'm not doing that now.  I consider picking up that donut or stopping at MCDs and then decide NOT to.  I feel pride in myself and a sense that my bigger goals are more important than that donut.  It feels so good.  Seriously.  

My only fear is that I know I'm not perfect.  I'll screw up something.  Eat that donut one day, or not check off everything on my "to do" list one day.  And given my "all or nothing" kinda mindset I tend to live in, will that dip me low enough to grab a drink?  I'm trying so hard to keep myself out of that attitude.  Grabbing a donut or blowing off a "to do" is in a different stratosphere compared to grabbing a drink.  I just hope I can stay strong in that moment and remember that!

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