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Thinking Out Loud

Jul 15, 2015 - 3 comments

I need answers and I'm not sure where else to look. To my recent knowledge my whole life I have been thinking out loud. well whispering out loud. I've never heard it. The only reason I found out is that after 3 years of being on and off drugs I started getting strange looks I felt paranoid like something was being hidden from me and things started to not make sense I realized everything for a long time had not made sense. I recorded myself and heard me whispering my thoughts out loud. Not a single person told me. Later finding I was "funny". I wasn't quite sure how people liked me being I never had many friends growing up and I didn't think I was much of a talker. They liked me because I had been thinking out loud. I am happy to say I was never a shaddy person but now that I found out I have panic attacks inside my head I think about things so hard I go back into childhood memories I can't even tell what's real anymore everyone stopped talking to me because I quit doing drugs and I'm not myself I **** with people I say weird things I say two things at once I used to just speak in metaphors. I talk **** about people because I think oh no they think I'm going to say something ****** up so I say/think the worst people hate. My dad disowned me because of all this I really switched to something completely different almost a ghost of myself. I forgot to mention I'm almost positive I'm Schizotypal meaning yes this is why thinking out loud worked through out my life untill I did drugs. People thought my odd ways of thinking were cool how I talked to myself my beliefs the drugs made me think about all my past expieriences including my childhood practice of witch craft to my mothers abuse and my brother dying. My suicide attempt at 11. My schziophrenic like childhood. Anyways I just need to know how to make it stop I'm sick of people knowing what I am thinking I know that if it doesn't go away like it did once before, before I had used drugs. I will kill myself. Medications techniques anything advice. Therapy didn't really qork. I never started EASA. Neither did prozac (prescribed for manic depression freshman yr)  I developed anorexia being that I had always been overweight. Neither did Lamictal, Zyprexa, Abilify or risperdal.

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Avatar universal
by sss2727, Jul 15, 2015
I left out an extremely large amount of things. If it will help ask me.

Avatar universal
by sss2727, Jul 15, 2015
Schizotypal personality disorder thinking out loud whispering out loud cant hear it defense mechanism anxiety drug abuse psychosis

Avatar universal
by sss2727, Jul 15, 2015
I'm not going to kill myself

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