Sep 18, 2015
I get to see **** like this on my FB page from my fertile cousins. I'm SO sick of it.
Jennifer says.. Going shopping at multiple stores at the summit with a hyper 2 year old and a teething 7 month old wore me out. I had to get the double stroller out 4 different times and load and unload them. Sad thing is I didn't buy what I went out for and have to go back after the kids nap-time.
Felicia responds with...Ugghhhh, I hate that too. : the struggle is real.
I mean SERIOUSLY??? THAT'S a struggle??? I want to slap both of them. UGH!!
Then I get to see constant twin baby pictures from my other cousin. Like we don't know what they look like or their names are. It's everyday, several times a day. I think if they farted she'd take a picture of it. I'm sorry for sounding so ill...I love my family, it's not about that...but they have NO idea.
My sister is 18 weeks pregnant now with a little boy. I'm SO excited to be an aunt. I do however get bummed when I see things like her "BabyBelly Book", seeing her grow and her little baby bump. I dunno, just a bad place right now with everything. :(
So life obviously hasn't been dandy for me. Right now I'm having GOD awful problems with my bladder disease. My urologists also did several tests and also diagnosed me with pelvic floor dysfunction. I can thank all of that rock shoveling and hard labor work from working with my dad for that. SO he started me doing pelvic biofeedback therapy. I went 1 day a week and was supposed to do it for 8 weeks BUT I started hurting really bad all the time. My normal daily pain is at least a 3-4, everyday. I've become numb to it but after I started this therapy, after my 2nd visit I started hurting more and longer. Over the weekend I had to talk myself out of going to the ER because it literally felt like my bladder wanted to rupture. Thank god he wrote me out something for pain way back when so I took a half of that and it eased it up enough. Well I had my 3rd session yesterday and here I am again, in god awful pain. The days went from 3-4 to easily a 6-7. SO after I told him I am hurting worse he wants to stop that and do DMSO treatments for my bladder. It's a bladder flush of medicine. They put it in with a catheter of course and I have to hold it for at least 15 minutes before I pee it out. I've read about these treatments and have read they are awful. They're very painful and the meds make you smell like garlic. You literally smell like garlic. :S I'm on an IC site on facebook and everyone was warning me against them. One lady even said it should be illegal. SO the meds burn and I have to sit there for at least 15 minutes in pain from the burning before I can pee it out. I have no idea what to do anymore. I'm so lost with this. I thought nothing could compare to the hopelessness feeling of infertility, but I feel the same with this. I feel there's NOTHING that's going to help. I'm 36 and hurt so bad and I think how the hell am I going to deal with this for the rest of my life? There's no cure. It's hopeless. After the therapy sessions that were supposed to help I sit here and feel so much pain and pressure in my pelvic area. I stand up and feel like everything down there wants to fall out. So much heavy pressure and then pain. I sit down and I feel the pressure being shoved up in my stomach and the pain. I hate it!!!!