I'm tired of fighting

I haven't worked in probably 10 years. I am in and out of institutions. I have a very severe problem coping and controlling my intense anxiety. I'm embarrassed to go out in public most of the time because I feel like everyone is looking at me like I'm strange and are judging me. I don't like meeting new people because like everything else they stress me out. I lost my kids a few years ago because I lost control of mind after their father left. I have grandma seizures often. I just got out of the mental hospital last week. I've been to the hospital about half a dozen times the past 3 weeks. I'm an alcoholic and occasionally use drugs to self medicate. I've been to rehab 5 times the past 5 years and I'm about to go back. My doctor has been encouraging me to get on disability. I've applied  a couple times but because of my unstably I've not been able to follow through completely with the process and I don't know how to fill out the function reports at all. Any advice would be much appreciated for I've been away from my children way to long and I'm tired of trying to find the light in the darkness. I just want to know I'm okay and safe.