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Our Urologists Appointment

Dec 18, 2015 - 11 comments

Our urologists is an hour and a half away so we had to be there early.  We both were under the impression from the nurse at the fertility clinic that we'd be able to have an ultrasound done on Brian and they'd be able to either see some sperm or not.  SO I was hoping we'd leave with an answer.  We get here and he plainly tells us (after I ask since he didn't mention it first) there's no way to do an ultrasound to see if Brian has sperm or not.  Automatically let down :( .  So he examined Brian and told him in his left testicle he had a small varicocele but it would not be the cause for Brian's situation.  Our only option is a testicular biopsy.  That sounds great, it's an option but there's a million things running through my mind.
1.) There's no guarantee there's anything there.  2.) There's no guarantee that IF they do find anything at all they'll be "healthy" enough to use. 3.) What if we don't do it and there's millions there. 4.) That's a lot more money than what we have since our insurance won't be covering this probably. 5.) I don't want to push Brian into anything just yet.  He's talking about having this done and that's good enough for me.  6.) I mentioned other options on the way home from the appointment like DS and so forth and he only said "yeah" so I know he's not this second ready to talk about that just yet.  I mean hell we just found out he'd have to have a biopsy so I'm not going to shove ideas in his face just yet.

I hate to sound like a Debbie Downer but it never fails...Every time we think we're moving ahead, we get shoved backwards.  I'm SO ANGRY I can't even describe.  I'm pissed off at the whole situation and then I'm heartbroken.  I never thought we'd be here, ever.  I mean who does?  Then to be here finally and **** still going wrong.  I just want it all over with.  I want to be a year down the road and a sweet precious baby in our arms.  Poor Brian on the way home, bless his heart said "okay, what if I keep my boys cooler and take vitamin's and do this different and do that different and repeat the SA?"  By the way the urologists talked no matter what we do like what Brian mentioned will help anything. We've got to find out why he's not producing anything anymore. I know he's thinking about all the things he could do differently and honestly my heart breaks for him. I want him to know this is a "us" situation, not a "him".  WE will get through this, we're in it for the long haul.  He's the love of my life and we'll be together till the end regardless of 5 babies OR us and 7 dogs.  I don't know how things will turn out but I want him to know that he's mine and I'm his, always.

So that's how it went, in a nut shell.  I've got a gazillion things going through my head and I'm sure he does also.  We'll both talk more this weekend when we have quiet time.  

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1580318 tn?1550254481
by Shannon79, Dec 18, 2015
I'm sorry you didn't get better news des.

It's always frustrating when you leave a Dr's office with more questions then answers.

I've never been in the situation you're in, so I'm only guessing here. It's like the Dr's don't even seem to care. They don't spare your feelings. Almost like they're heartless. They don't understand what you're going through and how hard it is to go through all of it.

I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your chin up. Something good will come from all this. I know it's easier said then done. Stay strong

790669 tn?1465189099
by Des_a_rae, Dec 18, 2015
Thank you so much Shannon.  It's very disheartening and frustrating.  I was really hoping and banking on what the Fertility clinic said about being able to have an ultrasound done.  The fertility doctors and staff are super nice... SUPER nice but the urologists, I'm just not that impressed with yet.  He could be an amazing man, but it was just our first visit so I'll give it some time.  Thank you so much for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.  I'm trying my best to see the light at the end of this tunnel.  I hope it's soon or at least catch a break.  I hope you and yours have an amazing weekend!!  :)  

961574 tn?1520648103
by mhv, Dec 18, 2015
You two will get through this together.  Every step you take, brings you one step closer to "the" baby you are suppose to have.  Keep the lines of communication open with Brian.   Explore all your options With Him! Don't shut down now, Des.  This is the time to talk talk talk.  No, it's not the news you wanted to hear.  But, you got an answer you needed.  The biopsy can be done.  It will give you concrete answers you need.  Or, talk it out, see if HE would rather spend that $ on DS.  Des, talk to him about DE or DA. Tell him how that would put you in a "level playing field".  How you could carry a baby, but that it wouldn't be genetically related to either of you.  See how HE feels about that.  Tell him you aren't even sure,how you feel about it,but want to know what his thoughts are.
  This is the time you 2 need to decide which way to spend your money.  He is in this with you.  You 2 have put this in the back burner long enough.  Don't backtrack now.
It's time for you and Brian to figure out HOW you are going to become parents.  This is your time Des!

2066718 tn?1431143569
by TTC2006, Dec 18, 2015
Big hugs honey!  I think maybe just let Brian know that you are in this with him 100% and no matter what he chooses to do, you will support him.  The ball is in his court now, but he does still have options. I wish the dr had a better bedside manner so you could leave feeling encouraged instead of defeated.
Hugs!

1386765 tn?1451164337
by pb95, Dec 19, 2015
The kind of stuff I was trying to make it work was insane!  I can totally understand where he is coming from.  If there is only a little chance, why not.  He will come to peace with whatever the outcome is because he cares so much and loves you and wants what you want!  Keep on the uphill.

1742167 tn?1436471720
by heather727, Dec 21, 2015
I wish this didn't have to be so hard for you guys. I wish there was finally some good news for you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you guys - as always! <3

790669 tn?1465189099
by Des_a_rae, Dec 21, 2015
Thank you ladies so so much!!  

Brian and I haven't sat down and talked about this yet, not exactly in full detail talked about it yet.  Yesterday however he went to help an old family friend of my dads.  This man is like a 2nd dad to me.  I've known him since I was about 4 or so.  Anyways, Brian came home and was talking about what all they did and Bill had asked how we were doing and how our "baby situation" was going and Brian was telling him that now they wanted to do a testicular biopsy and Brian said "yeah I told him we'd do that when I have a couple of days off from work".  WHAT???  I didn't pressure him, I didn't say anything to force him to think about this or anything.. He's thinking of this all as I am, in his own time.  He decided himself that he's going to do this and I'm totally okay with that.  I don't want regrets.  I don't want us not doing it and living with the "what if there was a gazillion in there??".  I don't want to miss any chance.  So I guess we're going for the biopsy. :)  

Also, I talked to the Fertility Clinic and the Urologists and the Fertility Clinic price is $1455 and that's for dissecting and freezing :D  And the urologists price is $299 and the hospital price is, drum roll please..... OUR DEDUCTIBLE because it's a biopsy it's covered.  Yayy!!  Yes I know, another $3000 or so but still better than paying full price for everything.  We'll be doing it after the first.  We are never sick and don't ever reach our deductible :S  SO I'm not paying the deductible now and again after the 1st.  

So that's the latest with us.  I'm hoping and praying with everything I have that there's plenty of sperm to work with in this biopsy.  I pray they're healthy and we can use them and we get pregnant.  Brian did have sperm in our first semen analysis.  So this is giving me hope.  Hope that they're in there, just not coming out.  

Thank you ladies so much.  You all have no idea what you mean to me.  I talk to Brian all the time about "my amazing MH friends".  

I hope you all have a wonderful Merry Christmas!!  

1591611 tn?1485972086
by Vency, Dec 21, 2015
Des this is such good news.  I just returned from vacay so I'm now catching up with what I missed.  So glad to see your update and that your hope has been restored.  Prayers that everything works out positively for you and Brian.

A very Merry Christmas to you all!

2020005 tn?1628125976
by KTowne, Dec 21, 2015
I completely think the biopsy is the best first step! You need to at least see and give that a chance and then go from there! I'm also praying there is a gazillion little ones swimming aound, lol! You've had too many damn speed bumps, you need some positivity and I'm praying this biopsy is just what you need! 2016 is your year!!!


961574 tn?1520648103
by mhv, Dec 21, 2015
Yipppeeee!!!!!  See, he wants this as badly as you do!!   That's what it takes!  To people doing what it takes :). I will be thinking of you so much in the coming weeks!!!  Itsnall coming together my friend!  2016 IS YOUR YEAR!!!

790669 tn?1465189099
by Des_a_rae, Dec 22, 2015
Thank you So much Vency!! :) I feel good about this.  A relief if you will.  Merry Christmas to you and yours!! :)

KTowne, I totally agree.  I don't want any regrets.  I pray there's something there, anything and I'd never be able to live with myself if we didn't try it first.  I'm SO ready for some smooth sailing lol.  I hope it's our year. I pray it's soon too!!  Thank you!!

Thank you Mel!!  He does, he thinks about it as much as I do I'm sure, just in his own way and time.  I pray this is our year.  :D  

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