Jan 12, 2016
So my LITTLE BABY sister is just a month away from being due. Her due date is February 17th and we're having her shower this Saturday. I can't even begin to describe the emotions I'm having. I love my sister to death. I was 14 when mom had her and she was like my very own little baby. She to this day comes to me for advice and talks that she won't even have with our own mom. Even though it's very emotional at times I wanted to be the one to throw her a baby shower. I have nieces and nephews through marriage thank God, but I feel different with this being my very own blood nephew. I cry with excitement and sadness. I see her body changing, her glow, her excitement with every movement and ultrasound. I've been there with her every step of the way. Several doctor appointments, LOTS of ultrasounds (not doctor related, just ones she's paid to have), helping decorate the nursery and NOW planning this shower. A shower I feel I may never have. I'm naturally going to feel this way. I PRAY I have my very own baby shower one day.
I've done pretty good since her announcing her pregnancy. I cried for several days after I found out. I finally sucked it up and tried to get past it. I've done great up until now. I'm just an emotional mess. I know I'll be okay shower day. Way to much going on to feel sorry for myself, plus I don't want to boohoo at HER shower. One of the best days of her life. I am however nervous and worried about when she goes into labor and we see Sweet Noah for the first time. How will I hold it together? I just don't see me being able to do it. HOW do I get through the first several weeks of him being home and everyone oohing and ahhing over him, while I'm around? I KNOW this is going to happen, she deserves to be proud and have everyone loving him..I just don't know how I'm going to be strong enough emotionally. I don't want to distance myself from her or him. Do I just excuse myself and go to the bathroom and come out a blubbering red eye'd mess? I have anxiety over this as well. Is it crazy that I don't want anyone seeing me as "That's her sister, the one that can't have kids". Is it crazy that I don't want them feeling sorry for me? I DONT WANT TO BE LABELED!! :(
Saturday is her shower. We rented a place at Noccalula Falls here in town and it's going to be amazing. I've been on pinterest like nobody's business and I think it's going to be beautiful. I've poured my heart and soul in to this shower and I hope she loves it.