Apr 20, 2010
There I was on the exam table... hoping and praying to find out what the baby was... I found myself squinting to try and determine what it was. At that moment, I didn't care... I just wanted to know. All along I had a strong feeling of what it was even my dreams told me what it was, although in my heart I kept hoping for another girl. Which goes to say, we're having a boy!! And honestly... I am a little crushed, yeah... now that's it had a little time to sink in, I'm not as happy as I should be. I'm just going to be honest here!! I knew in my heart that it was boy, but at the same time, I kept hoping for another girl. I imagined two precious little girls running around my house in pig tails... but now that's never going to happen. I imagined my daughter having a sister, something I never had, and always wished i did.
I'm happy, and I'm excited to be having a boy, and my husband couldn't be happier... but I just can't help feeling a little "let down" that it's not another girl. I have so many girl things, I had my favorite girl names picked out, but no boy names, I have saved all my daughter's clothes, all her blankets, just in case... but now I'm truly very sad that I'll have to get rid of most of them! I can't keep 3 huge bins of clothes around for no reason.
I never imagined feeling this way after finding out. I thought no matter what I'd be happy. I know I shouldn't feel this way, and I really hope none of you judge me, I know there are so many women who want nothing more than to be mothers, and can't even get pregnant, and my heart goes out to each and every one of them. But even so, I'm just not quite adjusted to the fact that I'll be having a boy. ...I know will get used to the idea, and I know once he's born, I wouldn't want it any other way!