May 31, 2010
I was so busy yesterday I didn't do my Journal So first I will journal about what happened yesterday. First it took me longer to get ready to go than I expected, which was rather irritating to me. Then we got to the cemetery (we went on Sunday a day early for the holiday.) mom and I had two arguments the first one was because I did the flowers the way she said and they would not stand straight, I knew it was the wrong way to do it but she always does this to me so I decided she would have to learn the hard way, I did them exactly as she asked so she could see that it wouldn't work and she would stop asking me to do everything the hard silly ways that don't work! Then we had a second episode when I was putting the cross on her mom's grave I was hammering it in and had she not warned me and got me all concerned about getting it deep enough and not making a mark on the top of the cross I would have logically been concerned about not breaking the plaque we attached to the cross as that is the greater danger, but with my mind I can not concentrate on everything at once so what happened? the top of the cross is not any worse for wear, it is set deeply in the ground, and the plaque is ....broke! I wish she would just realize I know how to do stuff I don't need her to tell me when she leaves me alone to do things or lets me do things myself I do fine. So then she was in a bitter bad mood until after being home for a while. Which was very frustrating as I did what she ask so when it went wrong it was not my fault cause I was not allowed to do things my way ( the ways I know best) We did do some planting last night and she didn't like the way it looked she is always so negative about everything, esp if it's important things or things important to her. She has Eeyore syndrome badly. It looks fine this morning so she is back in a better mood but I am not I didn't get much sleep and between 6am and 7am I discovered my cpap mask had broke I wore myself out trying to fix it got really upset when I couldn't fix it, finally just laid back down and tried to sleep without it and it was a few hours of fitful off-on-off sleep and I am now grumpy cause I am tired and I have to prepare for a big day tomorrow.