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30 days today of Methadone..Search for life again

Jun 08, 2010 - 0 comments





unexplained pain beh


Anxiety Disorder





I just hit a wrong key and Poof it is all gone.. Now I have to start all over. Seems to be the thing of the day. I have to learn how to handle life now. I have to not worry about getting cancer back and I have to stay away from Pain Pills...I just got off of Methadone from over a 7 years of using it for pan. And then the years before that Norco was what they put me on. So 9 years all together..Lost to pain meds. My  pain does hurt and its seems to be hurting the more I try to do . You see I was on a Year long Chemo for  the 2nd time...and just got done 3 months ago.  And I was sleeping my life away..and so hence the pain in my legs ...Well I don't know if that is the only thing. Because I have been on pain meds Since the first time I got Cancer. You get Flue Like feelings from the Interferon that I was on..My Joints hurt also...So starting to try to live again..It is painful to get around to start to try and live my life. I want things back , I want things normal again. I want to do things that I have not done in a long time, I don't want to look like crap any more..Oh bless my husband's heart for loving me and staying by my-side..He is a Good Man and I adore him.. Hence part of the reason that I want to Live things..Man this is hard. I know I need Physical Therapist and I'm scared to go get one plus I don't drive and I have Anxieties and I have depression  and Phobias...You know the biggest thing write now is healing me, I don't mind staying in the house all the time. I don't mind pretty much only going out with my husband and he is my best friend..

I'm just scared and don't know how to work life from here. How do I start all over? What am I going to do with the pain that is up and coming..How do you make yourself walk out that front door?

Oh I'm sick of this and I'm sick of hearing myself talk. Does anyone out there feel the same way? Has anyone gone threw having to learn to do things again?

And How Long are the Withdrawal's go on?
I can't trust my Emotions...Help...

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