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I've run out of things to do with myself

Jun 10, 2010 - 0 comments

At school. I am done everything I could be doing. Literally. I have no finals. Nada spogada. I need a book or something. Anything. I want to write, maybe. But my mind is jumbled. I have thoughts but I need to chase them and hold them down to get them on paper. I have countless papers in my bag that have 3 or 5 lines written and then nothing. But I can't seem to ever carry them in the direction they were originally headed. I have no idea what to wear!

We watched Alice this morning. I love Alice. I picked out all the clubs and organizations I intend to join next year. So eat that, college. I wonder what someone would think, looking at my transcript. A bad year, an engaged year, a horrible year, a manic year. It's coo coo for cocopuffs. Who the hell do I want to be? I like being smart.

Holy hell, if I need to carry Nick to the 12th grade, I will happily do so. He's smart, he's so smart. He just needs that puch. He just needs to know someone truly cares whether he makes it or not. Not because of grades, or college, but someone who wants him to do well simply because they like seeing him everyday and well, that's me. 13 years. Every year I've ever been school has been with him, what'll I do once I go to college? That's the problem with small towns. Everyone could be my brother or sister.

What was I getting at? Oh yeah, I took a nap, we finished filming, I passed in ALL my books and recycled my papers because I'm D O N E done done! with Am Lit. And Crim. And Culinary. Aw hell, just kiss me goodbye now. I just need to know what I'm doing in Algebra a few more days...then I'm checking out for good.

I was supposed to work tomarrow, but before that I was supposed to hang out with Shei, and I honestly couldn't bring myself to skip hanging out with someone I love to go to a job I absolutely despize for minimum wage, to be sent home early because I'm sure it will be raining. I will work Saturday though. Don't give up on me. I won't lie...I've really just been a bit discouraged about job hunting. I never really knew how difficult it was, you know? My first job I got by my last name, my second at a huge job fair, and now that I have some background, some skill even, I can't find anything. Nothing. I call and  they say they're not hiring. Or they're creepos. I just want to spend my summer with food. I want to work in a kitchen. A big, shiny, kitchen. With a convection oven. No oven, no Kristina.

I spent today at MY house. So there, mom. Made glider chow, and watch some Toy Story and drew an itty bit and well, it was an ok day. I bought ice cream. Yumm-o. Ate tacos. Kissed my ferrets to death. What else? Steve was here and bored out of his skull, but I got him to stay put because I wasn't leaving. And look what I did (or did not) get done!
but it's night now. I have a full calender. Damn that calender. I bet I don't even get the camp job =[ What's wrong with me? WHEN WILL I GET MY SAT SCORES?! Retorical question, since I know it's the 24th. But why so long? You're killin me, Smalls.


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