Jun 14, 2010
Hello and I know that no one might not talk back to this Journal but I figure if someone does than it will help me and I will think about Posting this to a form.
Anyway I have been clean off Methadone for I think it is 35 days now, I need to look at my tracker. Anyway along with that I am 2 and half Months off Chemo..it was a Year long Chemo and it was my 2nd time fighting Melanoma.
So with all that in mind, Let me move on...My Oldest Daughter is driving me Nuts and I'm feel really Guilty about it at this moment. Well Let me back up...This weekend was her weekend for taking Her Real Fathers Ashes out to the Mc McKenzie River and put him to Rest.
You see My Daughter did not meet her dad tell she was 18 and had been speaking to him for I think less then a Year.
Her father and I have known each other Since I was in 6th grade and he was in 8th grade.
And we did not date tell I was in High School....we never should have and I do have 2 girls from him. I never Married him, he wanted to..But I said No.
And he had my x husband adopted them when they were Young little girls.
So I have to add the Year of Chemo her farther and I had forgiven each other and began to talk again as the friends we were. And I never thought of him as my girls farther. He was Never a part of there lifes. But My daughter went and do all of the above things over the weekend...and I feel sorry for her and she has allot of Emotions going on.
But she did so many dumb *** things this weekend at our house and we are so Sick of her living here.
I know that sounds so bad but its Really the truth. My husband I have 5 children between us and I had 4 and he had one and two of the boys are the same age.
Anyway so we are down to one child that lives at home with us and we are really looking forward to it being Just us.
We are looking forward to buying him things that we could not buy the others so much..You know going places and just him and us or he can bring a friend. Still not as many Children as we use to have...and we have done the above with all the kids...There was just other kids in the group...So let me move on
My Oldest daughter has No Direction in life and has gone back to School which is A dance Class and a couple of Theater classes and I think a working out Class. And she has no idea if she wants to work in the Arts....so it drives me crazy.
We have to drive her to the buss stop all the time. Sometimes to her place she needs to go..and I know we live in the country but we told her we might not be able to take her all the time and she would have to walk the five miles or get a friend to help her out.
As I was on Chemo this Child came back home to live and wanting me to take care of her. I also get put down by this child all the time. She is always trying to out do me. It drives me crazy. I have hit my breaking point so I'm writing so I don't blow and I'm waiting for my Husband to get home to talk to her about the things that she did wrong over the weekend. I will make sure he does it Gently because of what she has went threw. We are at the end of our Rope...Each one of us in the house and I am the type of person that Likes to have My Own Alone time and Now I won't have this time because of my Son will be home for the Summer. And I will have to work out my time so I'm not upset with my own son and I get my Meditation in and Computer time is in and the things around the house are done.
I know this Journal is a bit Over the top and I sound like the worst Mom,
I just don't know what to say...I'm so upset and there is so much more to tell
But I just don't have it in me write now.
Thanks for Reading,
Loves and hugs Rhea