Jul 14, 2010
Well, it's been a couple of weeks since my last post, fresh and raw from deciding that my attempts to save my marriage had to end and it was time to call and end to it.
I'm getting more used to the idea. It hurts really badly, but oddly not as bad as I thought it would hurt, I haven't felt the agony that I did at some other moments during the last 3 years of turmoil. I still wish we weren't doing it - and if she said today that she'd stop seeing this other guy and try and work and fix our marriage I'd still want to give it a try - but I really don't see that there is any other way.
My wife has been good about it, she's hurting too. We're both agreed about putting the welfare of the kids at the front of everything we plan. She proposed that we should sell our current house (which is a bit out of town) and buy two houses not too far apart in town, ideally within walking distance - this is largely for my benefit, since she knows that being near the kids is my priority, but she also realises that being in town will be much better for me (easier access to work and my sports and social activities), so she's compromising on moving to a smaller house, that doesn't meet her needs so well, so that we can be close by each other in a location that suits me. There are no disputes over finances or division of property; she knows she can trust me to come up with a financial settlement that will be as fair as possible to both of us. We're play-arguing over who gets to keep the nicer of the two butter dishes, but it's all in jest. We still seem to be able to get on well together - we even went out to the cinema last night to see Eclipse (although the whole love-triangle theme was slightly too close to the bone!).
There's a feeling of inevitability about this now. I've told my friends at work, which I never did before - 'cos if we did get back together I didn't want anyone knowing that we had had problems, that would affect their view of me and my wife. I think me telling other people is symptomatic of my accepting that this is really happening.
Trying to give myself positive things to look foward to. Found a house that is a real wreck, but shows a lot of promise; doing it up will be a fun project, and give me something to do so I don't feel like I'm lonely and my home is big and empty in the evenings. Planning to sell my two cars (one practical, one fun but impractical) for a more-fun-and-slightly-more-practical car, something else to look forward to.
I think this is going to work out OK. It's still going to hit the kids hard, but we are doing our best to minimise it.