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I went and saw the doctor...

Jul 28, 2010 - 0 comments





Panic Disorder





Well today was the 2nd step of me getting better. The first one being getting off Methadone. So I went and saw a therapist today and we started with the why am I there thing. Which some of you know that I took Methadone and some of you know that I have Agoraphobia and Panic and Anxieties and had Cancer 2 time in the last 9 years and Did chemo for a year long each time. Wow that was allot to say...But I'm ready to move on and I have allot to work on but I think everyone knows that what is worth fighting for is not a easy thing. Most the time I find that life can be the best place to be...and I'm totally ready to start this Journey and change things...I'm scared also...Oh man I'm kind of scared...What do I do what or how do I start? My gosh my fears our BIG HUGH SUPER BIG....What if what if...I find myself say that again...Have you ever just felt like you have failed at everything. I'm not trying to be oh feel sorry for me. No I'm asking have you ever felt like you did , Like you just failed at everything? I mean I kind of do. I'm mean I'm proud that I quit taking Methadone and I did it with very little help Most my help came from here. So sorry dont' mean it that way I really thank everyone. No what I mean Is I stopped that and I stopped Smoking Cigs and I try and eat better....but I still feel like I have just failed at some many things...Parts of me did not want to go to see the counselor. Because it is dealing with life..So what he is going to do is work with me on my Agoraphobia and Panic and such...and Yes I'm talking about my family use of well from pills to whatever...and what I have been threw. I am happy to say that he was not the type of doctor that say's you have to bring up every little thing in your life. Been there done that more then Once. I know its a great thing but when your done your done. So I kind of feel like there is two parts to seeing this doctor...One to do with my panic and such and the other to do with Pills so to speak...

And he did say that if there is something from my child hood that we needed to go over that there are those times. Which I understand that, but there are allot of things I have worked out. I sure hope that is said correct.
Anyway this was the first time I have ever had a hard time talking with a therapist and I have to say it was one of those times that you are talking to the person and you realize that you are getting  Sweat all over you face.....I hate Menopause! Anyway the more you think of it the worse it gets.....Oh my gosh I could have just passed out or hide some where over that one.......

But I'm gong
and Its not next week it the next one and thats because I will be at the Coast with my husband from Monday tell Thursday and we don't have t.v. and we don't have the internet and we don't get Cell service and he will be working Nights but I will be write on the coast and you can walk out the back door and your on the beach and its really hot where I am at write now so its only about upper 60's and low 70's there and that might be nice...and My husband and I will be alone part of the time when he is up and my Son Devon said he would come and spend the night with my son Andrew the 14 year old...So I'm pretty happy about the getting away. I wrote another Journal about the time I put my foot in my mouth and hence my husband and I were fighting all last weekend and it was no fun and pretty darn dumb...but I'm moving on from that...So I hope I was not too all over the place as I wrote...and I guess I will go Proof Read.....
Thanks For reading...
xoxoxo Rhea  

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