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This is too much

Jul 31, 2010 - 0 comments

I looked down and panicked, but I hadn't hit the knife? I hate scabs and looking down to find puddles of blood under your gloves. It's almost funny. Why do I have such itchy ears?

Why is it always better when you've been WANTING it?

This morning? Well I was SO ready to go, when the house was way too quiet. It felt like years before I found Hammie, in a place he rarely goes. And when Tator was NOWHERE, I had that horrible feeling. I think: today was dump day. There was an untied bag of garbage on the floor. Curiousity didn't kill the cat, it killed the ferret. The clumsy, nosy, trouble-making ferret. Oh dear god, what a terrible terrible thing. We rushed to the dump, but it had been hours. All I see is him tumbling around in a tied bag, confused but not scared yet. All I see is him thrown on the conveyer belt, rolling away from me. All I see is him in the bin, after the crusher, hurt, bleeding, but not dead- suffering. Wondering-Where is my mommy? She's never let me get hurt before. And I'm crying. I'm crying so much. Shithead thinks it's funny. We've been searching for hours and I'm having a complete break down and he says "Oh, I knew where he was the whole time. He's under my bed. I shut the door on him this morning." I could have killed him. Then he had the nerve to tell ME to pick up Tator's poop, when he knowingly locked him in there for four hours. No goddamn way. I'm calling him Shithead now. End. That's his name.

I'm just so glad my babies safe. I know I have the best luck with my babies. My babies.

I'm tired.

We all jumped on the tramp, even Caelan. My niecey<3 Me and shei wrestled. It was hot. Cept when I almost snapped her in half. Fragile girl. We all watched Austin Powers. The first one. I ate a ton of pudding. I went to work. I worked. I looked like death. From the crying, the staying up late, the old makeup, I really looked like I hadn't slept in weeks.

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