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Big Hole In My Heart!! :-(

Aug 17, 2008 - 8 comments

As many of you know I lost my son this past Tuesday to prison. This was a huge shock to our entire family as he has no record and we were told all along that he would get probation. I collapsed in the courtroom after hearing the sentence.
This whole thing took place in April of 2007 so we spent close to a year and a half messing around with the court system.
For those who want to know the whole story here it is. My son and a friend of his went out to buy $40.00 worth of weed. My son took an unloaded gun with him because he had heard that this guys were known for robbing people that they sold to. My son shows up, gets in their car and whamo they all had guns and wanted to know where his wallet was. He told them it was in his trunk so 2 of them walked back to his car with him with one of them holding a gun in his back. My son's friend who was waiting in his car saw the situation, got out of the car, and shot both of the boys that were threatning my son. My son never even had a chance to show them that he had this unloaded gun. After my son's friend shot the two boys instead of waiting for the police to come they ran. The next day my son went to the police on his own and told them what had happened. My son admitted to having this unloaded weapon, but the police seemed more interested in the boy who did the shooting telling my son, "we know you didn't do this but we need the name of the person that did." My son finally gave in and gave them the name of his friend. They did arrest my son for carrying a concealed weapon but that was it.
The friend who did the shooting still remains free with no consequences and my son was sentenced to 3 years in prison and he's only 19 years old. The whole family is in shock and no one seems to be able to put any logic with what happened. The two boys that were shot weren't injured seriously so I simply can't understand any of this. I realize that my son had no business buying pot or having a gun weather it was loaded or not so it's not like I think he should've gotten off scott free, but 3 YEARS IN PRISON??
To make this entire situation even worse my son had really changed his lifestyle after that. He was working for an attorney, had signed up for college, and had honestly turned his life around.
I'm so heartbroken that I can't even think clearly and I only have 55 days left to ask the judge to reconsider his sentence.
Does anyone have any thoughts? Good or bad? I need you guys right now because it feels like staying clean is pointless even though I know that isn't true, but it's not stopping the way I really feel.
Thank you to everyone who reads this long story! I needed to get this out in its entirety and more importantly I need my friends now more than ever.

In Friendship,

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Avatar universal
by gator145, Aug 17, 2008
Oh My dear Rose ,,,,,,,
I was going to put this off till later... But I sensed an urgency in your email and felt you wanted it addressed as soon as possible by someone......

What a mother has to go through in life to love her children the way you do......First let me say How proud I am of you to stand up and say I"I know it was wrong , but I love my son regardless"..... That takes so much courage....You are to be commended for that....... That makes you such a special mom, it really does.....

I could be wrong here so don't rely on it as "Gospel".... When a gun, loaded or unloaded, is used in the commission of a felony , I think the judges hands are tied ....I think there is a mandatory mimimum  prison sentence......

Check into this as I could be very wrong......To be honest , I think getting the judge to reconsider is like talking to a wall....Especially when it comes to drugs......

Yes my dear mother , three years is a very long time....To put it lightly that will give your son some real quality down time to reevaluate the choices he made and the value of the consequences as opposed to other choices that may have been available....... It is such a tough lesson....

I went to reform school at age 12 for 5 years for stealing $30.00..... That is not easy....One misses out on a lot of life.......

The system is not easy on those that commit crimes especially the poor, underprivilaged, and the minorities......

The best thing you can do for your son, is to recognize what he did, what the potential outcome could have been, and be thankful he is still alive to serve his sentence..... I know that is such a bitter pill to swallow....But your family will be much stronger for it..... The second thing and hardest thing is to build a strong  support group of family members to maintain constant contact with him so he doesn't think he is forgotten.... Phone calls, letters. care packages..... Don't let him lose his religion.....Remind him that no matter what he did he is still loved and has a loving family to return to....I guarantee your family will be much stronger because of this......Never lose sight of the seriousness of the crime and learn from it so the younger members in the family can benefit from it.... That is the most important thing .... The example he sets for the youngsters is waht will shape their future.......May the great spirit that watches over all be with your son and family..... High hopes for you ....Gator.

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by jeh57, Aug 17, 2008
Hi there...........First of all,I am so sorry for what you are going through with your son....I know 3 yrs. sounds like a lifetime.....but try to look at it this way...What if that so called friend had killed those two boys??? Well,things would be a whole lot different....someone would face murder charges!!! Has your son been in jail since the shooting happened?? If so,maybe that time will go as..time served! You say he was working for an I assume he was free up untill know..not in jail? My husband works for The Federal Prison System and he tells me stories like this all the time......sometimes,these young boys make a simple mistake and go to prison....What's his lawyer say? It doesn't seem fair the other boy is running around free  and he is the one that actually done the shooting! My daughter and son in law works at a state prison....they see the same thing there....Keep your head up and stay positive....your son needs you to be there for him....If it isn't overturned,the best thing you can do is....tell your son it will be okay!!! Yall all love him..stay supportive,he needs that more than anything!!! Also.....write as often as you can while he is locked up.They love to get mail.......that will keep him going....believe me,mail is so important!!! I will keep your whole family in my prayers.....Janice

Avatar universal
by LORDINEEDHELP, Aug 17, 2008
was the judge asked for special consideration for your son due to giving info on his friend who did the shooting did he get anything for his actions i was not clear have his employer send a character statement ! idk 40 dollars worth of weed sounds kinda small was anyone charged with posession of it or just carrying a consealed weapon does seem off a bit that the friend who actually shot the other 2 boys got nothing did he not shoot 2 other people i believe that is a felony im not sure lisa do you have an attorney to help you it sounds very off at this point im not sure the law in florida may be different but 3 years in prisson for having a unloaded gun seems a bit much im sorry your going through this on top of everything else my thoughts are with you and to answer your question on weather or not staying clean is pointless or not YES IT IS IMPORTANT YOUR SON WILL NEED YOU TO BE STRONG AND CLEAN NOT TO MENTION YOU NEED THIS AS WELL TO SEE HIM THROUGH THIS STAY STRONG HUN! YES YOU CAN DO THIS AND YOUR STRENGTH WILL SHINE THROUGH THIS EVEN IF IT DOES NOT FEEL LIKE IT IT WILL! im so sorry your having to deal with this with everything else stay strong and if you need anything let me know

Avatar universal
by Bandainel, Sep 27, 2008
I don't have the strength to write much as I am still shell-shocked over the fact that my 17 year old (only) son is in jail.  He says he did nothing, but 5 jealous (friends) say he did.

Avatar universal
by Bandainel, Sep 27, 2008
I feel numb and completely overwhelmed.

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by lonewolf07, Sep 27, 2008
You don't know anything about me but to some extent I can understand what you are going through.  Fortunately, my son did not have to go to prison.  We live in the ghetto and are Native American/Canadian.  My son was about your son's age when he got caught for fraud.  I won't go into details but unknown to him, his souvenir stand at the baseball stadium was controlled by a hierarchy of criminals and he was at the bottom.  If he hadn't done what the "higher ups" told him to do, there would have been trouble.  When the scam was exposed the only one to be arrested was the lowest one on the totem pole - my son.  His lawyer was pathetic and after two visits his probation officer, who was also Native, told my son he didn't have to visit him anymore.  I'm in Canada and the laws are different here.  If you can get an appeal, try that - if you can manage a lawyer.  In Canada the police can lie to criminals (I think) but in the USA I don't think they can.  Sending him to prison will accomplish nothing; your son is more likely to become a criminal from being in jail than if he was sentenced to rehab or some place less dangerous than jail.  BUT he has to learn that even an unloaded gun is unacceptable.  I don't say this lightly - a few days ago a young man was shot and killed right near where we live - I heard the whole thing.  We have had too many drug-related murders - all by gunshot - in this area.

Try to get as much support from your community as you can and a good lawyer to work on an appeal.  There's a hole in their case somewhere, it just takes someone with knowledge of the law to find it.  We'll be praying for you.

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by skram, Sep 27, 2008
i am so sorry this has happened to you, and i am sending my friendship your way!!!! it doesn't seem right that the boy who fired the gun should be allowed to get away with it!!!! please stay clean and safe!!!! your son needs you to be well and be there for him!!! pm me if you need someone

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by j34, Jan 18, 2009
Rose I can truly feel your pain.I am at a sort of lose for words about the situation.but as the thing about getting loaded is you have to lead by example you live your life clean to show your son that this is the way to live thorough any situation. Stay strong my thoughts are with you and your son. Some grief concelling might be an option for you too.

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