Sep 19, 2010
I feel lonely. I'm not sure why perhaps because no where i go i feel like i belong. Always in the distance from everyone. School is going well and i have a few friends from people i once knew to people i met. I started talking to this one girl on the net who was going to go to my school. Sadly i dont get to talk to her much shes ehtier ignoring me or too busy to talk. I met her the first day it was nice. But i guess thats what happens when you been alone from then then just the people who live with you. You want to be friendship and more. But im not going to put too much into it weather it was just a short thing or not it was nice.
Maybe this isnt as strange as i think. When i get depressed i feel alone and misunderstood well i feel both of those alot. Even here in this community i feel like i don't belong. If all of life is nothing more then a popularity contest then if you lost before are you doomed to forever be an outcast. Is that a part of my culture now.
I hide parts of myself so much it feels fake. I have problems but when im around others friends it all seems to drift away. Im paranoid like crazy. I often think that these cyst in my mouth will be something bad. Im going to the dentist on Tuesday to get x-rays. God im scared what if the cyst have tunneled into my brain and they cant be removed i need insurance. Ive been meditating and card reading i don't know why but it makes me feel better. I've trying to shake off this laziness and well its a process.
To the people on here who was my freinds and listen to me *****, or took my option on things , and had more then just nice things to say. Had words with thoughts and feelings behind them i thank-you.
To all the people who were just there to talk to I thank-you