Sep 21, 2010
Been a while since I did a journal, so for those who are curious or care, here's where I've got to:
The original plan was to sell our house (in a village about 10 miles out of the city) and both buy houses close to each other in town. That didn't work out, there was nothing really appropriate for my ex to buy that was affordable - we found one, but she was out-bid on the purchase. I'm now buying a place right in the centre of the city, should get the keys in about 3 weeks time.
I'm getting used to the idea now, it's starting to feel normal. Continuing to live with her in our current house hasn't been too bad, we've been getting on just fine most of the time. Yesterday morning there was a bit of an emotional disagreement (a fairly pointless discussion about who had the most right to feel hurt and upset about what had happened), and I had to disappear off for 10 minutes to have a cry before I could re-settle myself and get ready to take the kids to school. But, that's the first time that's happened (either an emotional disagreement, or me having a cry) for a long time.
Her bloke (or f-buddy, as I can't help thinking of him in my head) has moved here now, and she's spending 2-3 nights a week with him. I just have to accept, he's the love of her life now, not me, so of course she's going to spend as much time as she can with him. It's natural that it would be her priority. She has left me. So, I shouldn't be surprised or upset or feel betrayed every time she goes to him. But I still am, I can't help it. Hopefully that will become easier when I'm living somewhere else.
Speaking of which, not sure how that's going to work. The house I'm buying needs a LOT of work, it'll be a few weeks, maybe even a month or two, before it's fit for the kids to stay with me. So if she's going to spend some nights with him, either I'll have to go and spend the night at the old house to be with the kids, or he'll have to come to (what will be) her house, which he's never done yet. Don't know what she is thinking about this, if she's got a plan at all.
The new house is a good thing - it's a project that will keep me occupied and busy. It's within walking distance of my sports club (which is also my main social life), as well as work, so I'll have that in my life much more. I've got stuff to look forwards too.
We told the kids a few weeks ago, once it was clear I was going to get this house. In the end it was quite easy, and they took it very well. We'd already been talking with them about buying a house in town (when the plan had been for us both to move), so we introduced it by saying that we were still buying a house in town but also keeping the old house in the village, and I'd be living in one and Mummy in the other. They were delighted! They could see the benefits of a house in town - close to shopping, cinema, many of their school friends and activities they enjoy. All this, but they still get the house in the country with the big garden and the beach nearby. The oldest (11) was the first to spot that this meant we were splitting up, but even she's been pretty much OK about it. They can see that their parents are still good friends, we still get on really well together, and they know that they will still see lots of both of us, it's not like a parent will be disappearing from their lives.
There won't be any sort of strict rota about who stays with whom and when, the kids will spend plenty of time with each of us, and occasionally with both of us together, both during the week and at the weekends - it'll work around who's got what activities on when, either things we need to have our own time for, or things we've got that we'd like to do with the kids.
I still feel the occasional burts of anger, resentment, disappointment, but mostly I'm OK, and I'm looking forward to the positive things I've got in my future. We're going to be OK.