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Looking at some photo's

Sep 21, 2010 - 8 comments







Panic Disorder






Family & Friends


I was looking at some Photo's today that were from after the first Cancer and before the 2nd Cancer...Wow what a difference and how long it took me to get to that Smile again and to feel good about myself to live life to its fullest...oh man I might be feeling a little sorry for myself write now I'm sure I am. But gosh darn it hurts to see that person that seems to be long gone and far from me now...Part of me wants to cry the other part of me is so confused about who I am what am I ok with now in my life what is a 45 year old Women to do? I mean Shoot I don't dress like I did in my 30's and at the same time can't I still be Sexy? Or has that all ended for me? I feel left at a cross road and not sure which way is the way to take? Have you felt like you are at a cross roads before? Been here many times myself but Why does this one feel so different? You know I even find myself asking Is the God that I believe in the Correct God? From those sort of thoughts to Is my Sexy days over? I mean after a Year Of Chemo my sex drive left and has now come back but My Loving Husband who had to go with out also I was not even nice enough to fix it for him during this time, well his drive is not as back as mine. That makes a women who has lived her last Year feeling like CRAP...OH and Yes he is my BEST FRIEND and Lord knows my life would be Crap with out him...I adore my husband it is ME that is having the time of my life ...Every Emotion you can , Well I have it and then I have PMS and OH don't forget I have Menopause oh yes it is fun oh and Lets not forget when I started to feel better I said to myself I have not beat myself up enough, Let me get the Heck Off Pain

Hey that was fun.......If you have done it you know what I'm talking about...I know you won't think I'm telling you the truth but no said "hey Rhea Get off those pills" No they put you on them during Chemo and after all my Surgery"s all 6 of them and then they leave you sitting like I said I was feeling Uneasy wondering to myself IS this PAIN Real?  What the HELL it is..................LMAO..........Now what.........???
But that is not all of it nope nope nope...I mean Crap I"m 45 what the heck my life has changed and I only have one kid left at home and lord knows I love him and I am not saying I wish it was different, Nope I'm not saying that I am saying it is still changing. I had 5 at home...Now I have One...along with that, what do I do with my life now? And I'm not big on going out...and you know that is ok...I can stay home all I want and You know what it is OK to feel bad sometimes or to feel sorry for yourself some times...I mean it happens and as long as you let it go and pull up yourself from the boot straps you are OKAY...So why do I find it hard to keep my own words in my own ears?

Well I'm going to post a Couple of photo's that goes with this Journal Entry
Thanks all for reading and Hey They are good Memories

Oh I'm off this week, Meaning I'm just having a bad week and its ONLY Tues. So I will be I hope online later to Talk at you all

Loves ME

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1184961 tn?1292574076
by DeeJaye45, Sep 21, 2010
That's ok Rhea that it all the way to Tues and its an off week for you. I only made it to Mon.  LMAO!!! But today is another day, just like tomorrow will be anothr for you.  I'll send you a message when I have a bit more time. You're doing Great. DJ

1316708 tn?1310916182
by ladyrhea4, Sep 21, 2010
Thanks Deejaye45
Your a Dear......Gee Monday I was so tired ...I think its the rain..over here in Oregon...I be looking forward to your message.....Loves Hun me

1118884 tn?1338592850
by 29sillygirl, Sep 21, 2010
Will the real Rhea please stand up.......LMBO.   Not sure of chronology of pics, but you are beautiful in all of them.  Remember ...altho' you are a are human and every day will not be the same. You are making progress.

1316708 tn?1310916182
by ladyrhea4, Sep 22, 2010
Honey you are killing me Smalls...And You need to let me know what the heck does LMBO mean? And thank you so much for calling me Beautiful your a sweet heart. Bless you youngin.....The way I look now is the Blond hair in the Tie Dye I felt since I am from Oregon born and lived here all my life I should put tie Dye on......
Thanks for the sweet heart comments............LOVES and hugs Rhea

535822 tn?1443976780
by margypops, Sep 22, 2010
and brave aswell as good looking one brave lady...we all have days and weeks like this you are allowed , we give you permission LOL I had a sorry day a few weeks ago and posted on the MH social instead of my journal then couldnt delete it ,did I feel a nut..but no one minded and I got some great PMs ...

1316708 tn?1310916182
by ladyrhea4, Sep 22, 2010
You know I have done that also and went looking for a Delete Button and there is NONE...They really need to fix that..anyway thanks I think its true you  just have those days sometimes Weeks, funny thing Is I just got done telling a guy friend of mine that you can feel bad for yourself for a week NO LONGER...when you hit past 7 days then its just not a healthy thing so I am keeping that in mind for myself...
Well I best get my shower done
talk soon I hope and I plan on posting to your group but I have been crazy busy trying to make up for lost time
Not working
out well for me

1118884 tn?1338592850
by 29sillygirl, Sep 24, 2010
Just saw your question.  LMBO is a slang acronym used online.  Laughing my butt off:).   Oh...yeah.....wouldn't we all like to delete a few of our posts or journal entrys.......I just let it all hang out now.  Used to be soooo careful, but if I can't express myself here then no point in staying.

1316708 tn?1310916182
by ladyrhea4, Sep 25, 2010
Well Duh I should have known what that meant.........duh....
And Ya I do wish I could delete some but like you said I kind of let it all hang out also..

xoxox Loves rhea

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