Sep 24, 2010 - comments
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Hello All,
First off you need to YOUTUBE "Gary Allen " I just got back From Hell" then you will know what I"m speaking of..He say's I have been mad at everyone including God and You..and when you can't find anyone to blame you end up just blamming yourself....And God Forgive me I just got back from HELL.....
OK so let me just lay it out there......Not like I hold back a whole lot...But this is one site that I'm on all by myself , unlike Facebook where my kids and husband are all on it...
so part of my deal is I'm totally bored in my marriage we have been married 10 years together 11 or so and then he has went threw both Chemo's with me and he is a great man, but I have found that when my sex drive finally came back we as always do not match and you know Sex is not everything but it is allot of it and it sure hurts the marriage when you are not inline..
So then to add to my pile of Crap I just want to get the hell away from everything...I swear to you I would Join the Peace Core or the Red Cross, no its not to get away from something because that something will be with me when I get to ware ever I go..but to be honest I'm tired of the same old same old...I'm tired of fighting with my husband because I want sex and he does not , I'm sick of one of my girls I can never do anything Good Enough for her........and I'm really tired of caring what others think of me...Sick of that..........From what Kind of Person I am...to my views on life.....You know I am a pretty Easy going person and I give allot and there for I love allot and I get Hurt allot but that is part of being me...but when you get to the point that you want to get the hell away from it all and You did Just get back From HELL.........What do you do??? I mean come on how much Do I have to do?? Cancer 2 times Count it.........1 year long Chemo 2 times...then 5 kids....one x wife that would not stay out of my life...........a husband that loves me, but ummmm we have hit that wall and he has NO IDEA....I find myself thinking there has got to be more to this life and oh then to top it off from all the above you all know I got off the pain meds and that in it self is a Trip and not so much fun and those of you who know me also know NONE of my family friends doctors none of them know what I went threw......OH I guess a couple of People do and My husband does but you know he is not a big Hey You did a Great Job sort of guy...
And like I said a couple of days ago I have felt sorry for myself and that is OK to feel that way sometimes... this I know but have any of you went threw a stage in your life ware you are changing your view's the way you see things? You know things in your life you have been living is just not doing it for you any more? I just am not Happy...Yes I am Alive and Well and but am I Really Happy Hmm I have to say No to that ..Oh and everyone wants you realize that life is not always Happy...and Yes I got that.. duh...but how about feeling like you have made a difference? Yes I have raised 4 and half wonderful kids and Yes I still have one left at home so I cant run out that front door so fast, but come on there has to be more to this life and does anyone question things any more? Does anyone else not want to watch BORING MINDLESS T.V. Does anyone else end up watching Documentaries rather then just mindless stuff? I mean I do watch CRAP..Trust me I watch enough of it..but I'm kind of sick of it and what do I do with this restless feeling and how do I talk to my husband how do I change things in my life ??? And Really I want to stop being Scared all the time I want to Really live life...Come on I just got back from Hell.......It is time to Live again......
Bless You for Reading......I would love to let you know I'm writing this listing to Mr. Gary Allen and I love to pour out my heart................Sometimes you just need to......
Thank You All
Rhea
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