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My Daddy died

Oct 02, 2010 - 31 comments

I knew his healt was poor, an alcholic with alztimers, bladder cancer , emphisema,,,

he and step mom are snowbirds they leave Mi and go to FL this time of year every year,,,,they stopped for breakfast, at 10am in Ohio,,,he said to her I just dont feel good,,,it got worse they called ambulance by that time he couldnt even walk,.,but wasnt having chest pains...they put him on stretcher and into ambulance and his heart stopped,

they did all they could he was 77, I believe it was just his time to go,,It really is so shocking. I dont know what to do with myself,,,I cried all day, cant cry anymore,,,had to go to my Dads twin sisters home and tell her this it was heart breaking.

tommrow Im meeting my sister, 2 aunts and step mom at funeral home to plan arrangements,

I dont know how I can look at my Dads dead body,

this is random but Im worried about flowers too, people are gettting away from sending them but Id send a 400 doller beautiful piece if I could I literally have three dollers till payday (tues) I just dont know what to do with myself

Thank God he didnt really step mom had planned on sticking him in a nursing home in florida as his alztimers progressed,,thank you God that that did not have to happen to him.

there are just know words, we were so close,,I didnt get to say I love you to him one last time

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Avatar universal
by teko, Oct 02, 2010
Cherie, I am so sorry! Both my parents have passed and I so know how you feel. You are probably still in shock. Try to stay around family as much as you can and hang on to each other. It sounds like it was just his time to go, and at least he didnt suffer. My prayers are with you! Hugs!

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by ginger899, Oct 02, 2010
Oh sweetie! I am so sorry too.  Heartfelt, because I lost my mother last year, and we were always close. It's so hard, I know. It's such a shock to you too. At least with my mother I had time to prepare myself.
God bless you. Do take care. Hugs from me too.

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by margypops, Oct 02, 2010
maybe you have 2 journals up cherie , so I have left a message on the other one aswell, I am so so sorry , hurts doesnt it, let yourself feel it all , thinking of you and around if you want to chat ....hugs Marg

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by dominosarah, Oct 02, 2010
Cherie i am so sorry~~~~Your daddy knew you loved him.  When you see your daddy you will know he is at peace.  It really does bring closure.  Let yourself feel your emotions now.  You will be all over the place with them and that is okay.  Grief is a process.  I know how hard this is as i too lost mine a few years back and he was my everything.  They live thru us now.  My deepest sympathy to you and your family, hugs from me too~~~~~~sara

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by froggy0936, Oct 02, 2010
We have never chatted, but somehow I came across your post. I just wanted you to know that I will pray for you. I dread the day that something happens to one of my parents. I don't know how people get through it..but they do. Teko is right..stay close with your family and lean on each other for support. You are not alone. God Bless you and take care of yourself.

Lynda xoxo

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by zodiacqueen, Oct 02, 2010
Cherie, I am so very sorry about your dad!  Time will ease your pain, and you will find some peace and happiness in your memories!


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by Cherie762, Oct 02, 2010
thank you all for your kind words, it helps more than you know, Im very greatful for my mh family.

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by April2, Oct 02, 2010
Cherie, I just saw this. I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Please accept my deepest sympathy. I pray God will bring you and your family peace during this time. God bless you.

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by AnnieBrooke, Oct 02, 2010
I'm so sorry.  You know, you probably did tell your daddy in big ways and little, every time you saw him, that you love him.  I'm sure he would be the first to agree.

Take care and try to get some rest.



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by narla, Oct 03, 2010
I'm so sorry to hear about your grief,he will know how much you love him,you need to be with family now and find peace,

Hugs Denise

Avatar universal
by Smilerdeb, Oct 03, 2010
I am sorry to hear about the sad loss of your Father...I too lost mine in January this year.
I was at his bedside as he died and even when he took his last breath...I kissed my Dad on the cheek.
It is ahrd thing to come to terms too as we all believe our parents will live forever and never imagine them not being there.
Its been 9 months now since Dad passed and I am only coming to terms with it now.
God Bless You ...Your Dad knew you loved him. Believe me, he knew xxxx

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by Cherie762, Oct 03, 2010
thank you everyone, I went to bed at 3 am its 645 and here I am, I had really bad dreams, odd freaky ones, one was I saw my Dad standing at my door and I told him to go into the light.I know hes already there though, he was a religous man, he did alot of good, he adopted two children n third wrld countries and sent money and notes to them , I forget the name of that charity right now, when ever I needed him he was always there,the past 2 years was hard though as he was progressing into alztimers andstill drinking

Mystep mom phoned and she said she was using a flower shop near the funeral home and was going to buy a Dad piece from me, my sister and two step brothers, she knows my sister and I as well as one step brother struggle, I think going to the funeral home today to help make arrangements will help ease the process of what is to come.

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by Emily_MHManager, Oct 03, 2010
I'm so very sorry for your loss, Cherie.  You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope good memories of your dad help carry you through this sad time.


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by opus88, Oct 03, 2010
Cherie, please accept my deepest sympathies as well. He went without suffering and thats the best gift God can give us when our time has come, only the suddenness is hard on those left behind. God bless you and your family.♥

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by TrudieC, Oct 03, 2010
Cherie, I am so very sorry for your loss.  My own father is in bad health and I can't imagine losing him.  I'm sure he knew how much you loved him.  It is so good that your stepmom is being understanding.  My heart goes out to all of you.

Hugs, Trudie

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by peggy64, Oct 03, 2010
Cherie, I am so sorry for your loss. We don't really communicate, but from all your posts that I have read, if there is one thing I know about you, that is that you are strong and will get through this.

One thing that is such a blessing in all this is that he did not suffer. Watching a loved on suffer is just awful, and you and your family were spared this.

God be with you and give you the strength you need to get through this phase of your journey.

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by swampcritter, Oct 03, 2010
Swampy sends his sympathies. No real insight other than take things from day to day and let people be there for you.

Losing a dad is one tough thing.

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by adgal, Oct 03, 2010
Cherie my friend, I am so very sorry for your loss.  I know there are no real words I can offer that will help, but please know you are in my thoughts.  (((hugs))) sweet lady.

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by Tuckamore, Oct 03, 2010
Our Dear Cherie,

My heart goes out to you....My Daddy died too...four months my our home that he shared with us for almost eight years. I too knew it was coming.....that doesn't make it any easier.

You'll get through these days. Me.. the non-crier sobbed for weeks. My heart was and is broken....and I have a very good idea of the grief you are experiencing. Nothing really comforts you....other than we can tell yourselves that any pain and suffering, either physical or emotional is over for our daddies. I believe in my heart that my father is in a much better place...and I will see him again one day.  

I mourn for the me...the little girl he left behind. It doesn't matter our age...we are all daddies little girls. Our father's love us unconditionally....what a great love....we'll never have it again on this earth, except from our Maker.  

If your dad didn't get to tell you, as mine told me, he'd not want you to grieving endlessly. He'd want to you go on with your life and enjoy it. Dad worried how I would do without him. We were that close. I'm here to say that my world is much sadder and emptier without him....but I am much wiser and better for the gifts of the heart that he left I am sure you are also. That's what I cling to....all the gifts of the heart and wisdom that dad left me. I hope you are able to do the same. I think it's what your dad would have wished for you.  

I'm not sure what you are saying about the flowers. We didn't do a casket spray. My dad was crocheting a blanket when he passed. It was almost done. I laid that across his casket with his crochet needle intertwined in it. My dad's favorite flower was lilacs. My granddaughters picked bouquets of lilacs and we placed roses in those bouquets. Instead of a funeral spray we bought a four foot, white birch decorative canoe as dad loved fishing. We bought and placed three bears in the canoe to represent his three children. We placed it right next to the casket with a loving note.....from "Dad's three bears".
In my opinion this was all much better than a $600.00-$900.00 funeral spray.

Remember as you gaze on your dad's body it's just an empty shell. It only carried your dad's heart and soul while he was on this earth. He no longer has a need for that diseased old body. God has promised us a new one.

You will heal. It will get easier. The sobbing will cease...though will return at unexpected times. I'm only four months into this grieving process but I am better. I think you will miss your dad forever....but remember the good times, the things he taught you, those precious moments you shared together. Nothing can take that from you. Your dad will live in your heart, as mine lives on in mine.

Be good to yourself. Do whatever it is that comforts you. Our unusual approach to the flowers and such brought me comfort. I felt it was special and unlike the usual things that are done....which helped me represent the special person my father was.  I encourage you to do something that is special to you and your father....something that will show your father's uniqueness....or that was special between the two of you. It comforts me to this day. I wrap myself up in the blanket that dad was crocheting when I am lonely, sad or sick. Dad also had some flannel shirts that I'll put on to feel close to him. Whatever it takes to help you through this time and life without him I encourage you to do.  

You have my deepest sympathy. Don't be hard or yourself or laden yourself with any unnecessary guilt...your dad loved you and would want you to take care. Bless you. I promise this will get easier.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Gentle ((HUGS)) ......
Still and Always, Mel's Daughter,

Avatar universal
by gator145, Oct 04, 2010
It seems you just get over one struggle and another comes to take its place...... I know you love your Dad so very much.... At this difficult time in your life hold that love ever so tightly and know that he is now at rest....... Love and hugs for you my dear friend, heal well......Gator

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by this_big, Oct 04, 2010
    I saw this entry in the recent activity thread and thought i'd offer my condolences. I lost my Father last year to cancer. I'd like to share a poem that helped me through some tough times.

God saw you getting tired
and a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around you
and whispered "come with me"
With tearful eyes
we watched you suffer
and fade away.
Although we loved you dearly
we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove
he only takes the best!
Its lonesome here without you
we miss you more each day
Life doesn't seem the same
since you've gone away.
when days are sad and lonely,
and everything goes wrong,
we seem to hear you whisper,
"cheer up and carry on".
Each time we see your picture
you seem to smile and say
"Dont cry, I'm in gods keeping,
we'll meet again someday".

I'm really sorry for your loss...


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by selmaS, Oct 04, 2010
When you go to view ur father, know he is no longer there in that shell...he is within u...and all u do.....

My deepest sympathies on the  loss of your father.


Avatar universal
by aheart, Oct 04, 2010
  You have gone through so much lately. Take comfort in knowing how much your daddy loved you, and that he had a wonderful daughter he was so proud of. We are never the same people after we lose our parents, but we will always have our precious memories. Now you will treasure little things that remind you of your dad, the smallest things. For me it was a hickory nut he carried in his pocket for years. And his bible is very precious to me. Take comfort in the little things that remind you of a father-daughter bond-that will never die. Deepest Sympathies-so sorry for your loss-aheart

Avatar universal
by concernedbf984, Oct 04, 2010
im sure i have no clue how hard it is for you to deal with this loss, and i offer my deepest sympathies too but as you said as hard is it may be to admit, maybe it was just his time to go.  im sure he is in a better place now and will be waiting for you one day when it becomes your time. if your having money troubles i wouldnt spend much on a flower bouqet im sure he wouldnt want you wasting the money you work hard for on flowers he will never see. its not like your any less loving for not getting him flowers, and the rest of the family may need your help with the funeral expenses.. i dont know if this has helped any but i really am sorry for your loss, and i hope you can cope with this ok. try to think about it as him being in a better place

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by Cherie762, Oct 05, 2010
Im getting ready to go to the viewing at 3  first hour family only thats gonna be the hardest. I found this really really nice poem ,,the chaplin is going to read it I was going to but I cant its really nice about a daughters loss of a father.

Avatar universal
by remar, Oct 06, 2010
How are you doing my dear friend? We're all thinking of you and sending our thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Lots of love and big hugs.  Corena

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by Cherie762, Oct 06, 2010
Its 6 am, I napped last nght for 2 hrs, I think the apprehension of seeing him dead was worse than the reality, its really a good thing that immediate family is given the first hour because it gives you time to absorb, support each other and pray, then all the people come and it is as if you must greet and hug them all, no one knows what to say, most said a simple Im so sorry which really is the best.

today we must be there at 930 my sons are all being paul bearers(sp?) and must be given instructions on that, the chaplin meet with us all yesterday to get a feeel for Dads personality, I told one thing I had long forgotten my very first date he snuck outside and wrote the boys license plate number down! he was protective of us daughters, I remember being a little girl and standing on his shoes and he would dance with me at family partys and weddings I thought I was just a princess.

the poem I picked out Im having the chaplin read, I dont want to break down and cry real hard reading it I want people to beable to hear it its beautiful I will post it here when I get time.

remember everyone end all conversations and visits with people you love with a I love you, you never know

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by stella5349, Oct 06, 2010
Hugs my sweet friend. It will all work out. It always does.


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by jeh57, Oct 07, 2010
Cherie.....i just checked in with MH...i am, so sorry for your loss...i know how much you loved  your thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.......((((Hugs)))) Jen

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by Jade59, Oct 07, 2010
Oh Cherie, I just saw this.  I'm so sorry for the loss of your Daddy.    

Thinking of you...♥

Avatar universal
by rebel5, Oct 17, 2010
Cherie words cant express how sad i imagine you are feeling, im so sorry for your loss. i love you and im here for you xoxox

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