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NEED to VENT

Oct 28, 2010 - 7 comments

So as winter approaches it seems like i am doing everything i can the list goes on and on.
I am taking my drivers test again today and i hope to god i past i cant afford to keep failing it is driving me nuts, i know how to drive. Just a nervous wreck when i testing lol. I have a piece of **** car that keeps dying for no reason, I have to get insurance and registration because i do not want to walk outside with 3 kids in the snow, and cold. Its so much stress and all my bf can do is complain about everything.Telling me to get rid of my car, or spend tons of money to fix it. AGG!

Last night in the middle of the night Mckenzie woke up i sat in her room for a hour waiting for her to sleep but she didn't want to, so i left and she started screaming and hitting the door, so my bf gets up to go get her and i tell her that he better not because i am not going to stay up all night because she wants to play, then he ******* me out because he has to wake up at 5am everyday to go to work, and he doesn't want to hear her cry all night.. LIKE omg boo freaking hoo, i have been getting up with her since she was born, not to mention i have to do it with the next one, so when the new baby comes and its crying i am suppose to keep it quiet because he has to work in the morning like seriously. He is such a useless ***, and i mean it. He has never really gotten up for her EVER! and when he does he ******* to me that he has to work and shouldn't have to be getting up in the middle of the night. Like how insensitive can he get? I am tired through out the day because i am always up watching kids all the time, when do i ever get a break? NEVER! that is when. I am so fed up with his crap, he tells me i am given attitude all the time, when he is the one who is. I can't put up with this again.

I refuse to listen to his crap, and him telling me i am being a ***** all the time. I just want to have her in a routine before the new baby comes, or i am going to have a mental break down. Why cant he just step up and be a dad :( i just want to cry, i rather be a single mom then listen to his bull, and watch him sit on his *** all the time, when i am the one who has to clean, cook, and watch the kids. I can't do it anymore. I just want a break. Am i being unreasonable, is it to much to ask for someone who is suppose to be sharing the responsibility with me? Like why is it so hard for him to take on some daddy duties. I am not superwoman and i can not do this all the time.

I just needed to vent. Because i am so close to telling him to take a hike lol

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Avatar universal
by slb1107, Oct 28, 2010
He needs to start helping you out. Yes he may work all day but he's getting a break from the kids..when you never do. Everyone needs a break..some time away. You work full time...he doesn't see what you do as a job..if you are serious tell him either he starts helping or you can get child support. Get his money without having to put up with him. But it just makes me angry to hear him calling you all these names when you are raising his children without his help. I hope it works out.

Avatar universal
by julianovak, Oct 28, 2010
Yeah men are unreasonable. Its hard being a mom this and that. Honestly do you think my husband EVER helped me with our daughter? When she was born, little, woke up every two hrs to eat,.... you know how many times hes EVER woken up to get her ZERO times. Thats how men are. If you worked maybe he would help you out at home, knowing that you are sharing his duty to provide for family. But if you are at home, dont be surprised. Men think since you sit home all day you do nothing. Thats MEN. Thats how they are. My hubby has been nice enough to help me with taking over Bathing her. And i work. My child has been a bad sleeper from day one. LAst night was the FIRST night in a month she has SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. She normally can wake up three times... just for me to come and hold her or rock her. :/ ITs life..... One day he might snap out of it, but hes providing for family, dont forget that. To him HIS job is just as hard as being a SAHM. :/ Good Luck.... remember they are all pretty much the same.

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by cassandra19, Oct 28, 2010
I provide more then he does, I watch another child. And I pay a mjority of the bills, food, stuff for kids. Because he is always broke. How I am not sure. But he not the sole provider and him going to work is not a excuse to be a jerk.

Avatar universal
by julianovak, Oct 28, 2010
OH OKAY if you provide more then he does, thats lame of him not to suck it up and helpo you out.. Sorry hunni. Then i agree he is a JERK.

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by cassandra19, Oct 28, 2010
Its ok, I just don't get how things are so messed money wise or him just being a jerk. I really hope it changes soon I am not sure how long I can be patient

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by jhaley2680, Oct 29, 2010
Wow girl! Part of me totally knows what you are going through since my hubby and I had many of the same arguments when we had our DD. I got laid off while I was on maternity leave, so I never got to go back. I collected unemployement, so it's not like I wasn't contributing any money to the bottom line, but he saw it as not contributing anything, so I needed to do everything around the house and with our DD. All he ever wanted to do was rock her to sleep, but she didn't want much to do with him because she was with Mommy all day and Daddy never paid her any attention, so she just didn't know him enough to cuddle and rock with him - she preferred me. That really ticked him off too of course, but he never could see that he was the one not building the relationship with him. He'd come home and complain about the toys all over and would ask what I did all day. Never mind I had done laundry, put it away, dishes, put them away, made breakfast and lunch for her and me, then made dinner and had it ready for when he got home, grocery shopped, picked up the toys when she napped, yada yada... Finally I got to the point that in the heat of an argument I grabbed storage boxes that I had for her clothes as she grew out of them and started to pack my clothes in it and told him I was leaving and was NOT going to stand for getting treated like that. I was worth more than he treated me and I wasn't going to stand there and take it anymore. That freaked him out - he literally stood in my way and wouldn't let me leave. Not because he was trying to control me, but because he realized I was literally going to leave at that moment and didn't want me to. I pushed past him several times and even tried to then get our DD out of bed to take her with me. He started crying at that point and begging me not to take her and leave. I told him at that point that he needed to appreciate the fact that we were there and that I was doing the best I could with the time I had. It was a full time job looking for a job and another full time job being a SAHM. To balance the two perfectly were impossible.

I have to say it's not that we never had another argument about the same topics, but they were no where near as heated and he backed down when I would remind him that it was the same old song and dance and that I wasn't going to take it - and reminding him what he had to lose.

He's a lot better now although there are still many times I have to remind him what he has. He only ever sees his point of view and doesn't like to take the time to see it from my point of view. He can work, hunt, fish, hang out with his friends, whatever, and not get the lawn mowed. But if I work all day and have dr's appointments, or have to stay home with a sick kid, he still wonders why I didn't get things done and gets mad when they aren't done for a couple of days. It's so frustrating and stressful.

What I cannot identify is being called names. You need to be careful there - technically that's verbal abuse. Not saying my hubby has never said I was being a b***h or anything because he has, but I've said the same back to him. If he's doing it a lot, you really need to reevaluate the relationship. If he doesn't have enough respect for you to not treat you like that, then he doesn't deserve you. What you need to remember the most is that your relationship is the one that will serve as the most influential for your children. I actually had to remind my hubby of this during our arguments as well - I told him I was really sad to say that I did NOT want our DD to marry someone like her Daddy. That really hurt his feelings, but it really made him think about the example he was setting for her and he realized he didn't like it. None of us are perfect, but we all do the best we can when we are willing to try.

Best advice I can give I guess is to find the currency in the relationship and figure out what he would be upset to lose. If it's you, the kids, etc. If he's not going to be upset to lose any of you, then it's a big sign that something is not right.

Hang in there!

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by cassandra19, Oct 29, 2010
Thanks for telling me that lets me know its not just my imagination lol, when i was pregnant last time i left many times to my moms house because i was not going to put up with the crap, well now that i live so close to her and watch another child it is hard to leave. But you are right i shouldn't have to listen to his loud mouth as i like to put it, and i am going to tell him i will not be treated like that anymore. Or he can leave. It weird that he never seems to care until i fire back at him, i think i need to just remind him, but i have feeling he will say its the way i am treating him. It usually the same thing with him. But i am hoping he cares about me and his DD and the baby i am caring enough to stop and think about what he is doing, it really is hard doing everything all the time. Last night i was up all night with her so she wouldnt wake him up. I am so tired right now :(. I am hoping things will change very soon.

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