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Yep, Screwed Up

Dec 20, 2010 - 0 comments

It didn't take long to reinstate my sugar dependency after my partner's birthday in October. For whatever reason, the bounceback to my healthier plan became extremely rough...probably because like a smoker, I have no real substitute for the void that eating sugary stuff occupies, particularly when life just doesn't add up week after week and I become disheartened. Unfortunately, as I already knew, nothing piles on the pounds faster than sugar, and months of work was destroyed in just a few weeks.

I realize, of course, that I accomplished this horrendous outcome with my own two hands and mouth, and that no one was sitting on my chest and forcing me to do the things that I knew would cripple me. For some sick hunger for self-destruction, I wanted to push the limit...and I lost playing my own game.

What kept the whole down-spiral going is that for whatever inexplicable reason, the pancreatic pain that has been plaguing me since May pretty much disappears when I eat sugary stuff, and returns with a vengeance when I try to return to healthy food, which just is NOT FAIR AT ALL. There is no earthly reason why that should be, and it's enough to make me believe in conspiracy.

I'm going to have to bite the bullet and take whatever punishment may come, because my clothes are getting tighter and I got rid of all my super large sizes. I have only the next size up and then I'm on my own. Hate the holiday season.

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