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You Only Have One Mom

Jan 09, 2011 - 16 comments








This is something I received the other day about how people at different ages view or feel about their Mothers.  I unfortunately seen a lot of truth in this with the way I treated my Mom at certain ages, and also with how my own child treated me, as well.  My daughter is only 22 years old now, so I'm anxiously awaiting her views at 25 but really ain't pushing real hard for 30. LOL (JUST KIDDING)  

5 yrs old: "Mommy, I love you".
12 yrs old: "Mom whatever!"
16 yrs old: "My Mom is so annoying" !
18 yrs old: "I wanna leave this house".
25 yrs old: "Mom, you were right".
30 yrs old: "I wanna go back to my Mom's house".
50 yrs old: "I dont wanna lose my Mom".
70 yrs old: "I would ...give up EVERYTHING for my Mom to be here with me"

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973741 tn?1342342773
by specialmom, Jan 09, 2011
That is funny.  The evolution of motherhood!  Lost my mom before I turned 30------------  I always try to convey to people that this is a precious relationship to be cherished no matter how you feel on a day to day basis.  Mom's are special and being able to get a hug from mom is a blessing no matter how old you are.

My boys are still in the "I love you" stage which is really nice.  I know it will change and I will become the "enemy".  I'm going to milk the I love you stage for as long as possible!

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by crackerjack4u2, Jan 09, 2011
I agree completely, milk it forever if you can, hug em up, love em up, and keep em little as long as you can because they grow up so quickly.  Have A Wonderful Day and God Bless Brenda

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by Ashelen, Jan 09, 2011
You do only have one mom....and this is a tough subject for me, as specialmom knows. Sometimes the one mom in your life is someone it's impossible to have a relationship with....and for those of us like that, it's heartbreaking to know that we'll never have that relationship.

I try every day to be the sort of mom my daughter can relate to and trust...I never want her to lose her mommy the way that I'm losing mine every single day.

Cute sayings :-).

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by LittleRottenPea, Jan 09, 2011
Where's the I hate you part. Mine say that to me now sometimes. It really cuts badly. I've read that it means I'm "doing my job" but they're all that keep me going, and some days I can barely handle to hear that.

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by Limonada, Jan 09, 2011
Since I lost my mom at 24, I never got to the 25 or beyond (I'm 32 now).  I wish I - and so many others who I know who have been in my shoes and lost their moms far too young - hadn't had to have the thoughts of a 50 year old at such a young age.  I really would give anything to have her with me now, to have her share the life of my 2 little boys in the way that she was meant to, as their physically present grandma.  I know that I will be able to share stories of her one day (and I've already prepared a little scrapbook for my oldest son, talking about her life which traits of hers live on in him) but for now, it will remain a pretty abstract and intangible concept for my 4 year old and nearly 1 year old.

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by crackerjack4u2, Jan 09, 2011
Ashelen-  I'm so sorry to hear that you've had such a difficult time having a relationship with your own mother.   I'm sure that must have been, and is still so hard for you.  I am thrilled for your daughter that she has such a kind, caring, and compassionate mother, like yourself, and that she will always be able to depend on you.

LittleRottenPea- I believe the I Hate You part with my daughter fell somewhere around the 12 year mark and beyond, and sometimes unfortunately continues even today. Yes it does mean you are doing your job even though those words hurt very much when they say it, but I know they don't mean it.   I Always told mine when she said "Mom I Hate You", that "I'm really sorry to hear that you hate me because I Love you and I always will."  

Limonada-I'm so sorry to hear that your time with your precious mother was cut so short.  I am a firm believer that she is watching over you, and your family right at this moment.  I know your sons as they get older will treasure the scrapbook, and talks of your mom along the way, so they can get to know the grandmother who is now an Angel in Heaven.    

I Hope all three of you have a Wonderful, Wonderful Day, and May God Bless You All Brenda

13167 tn?1327194124
by RockRose, Jan 09, 2011
I'm 51,  and my mom was diagnosed recently with pancreatic cancer.    "I don't wanna lose my mom" is exactly how I feel.  

Thanks,  Crackerjack for posting this.  I love her so much.  She's such a part of who I am.  

13167 tn?1327194124
by RockRose, Jan 09, 2011
Specialmom,  I don't think boys typically become the "enemy" as girls often seem to.  My boys have never been "the enemy" - and prayers yours won't either!   Oh sure,  they don't pick up their socks off the floor,  and later they become secretive about what they're doing,  and distance themselves a bit,  but in my experience sons are loving and sweet throughout.  

I think yours will be too.  ;D

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by specialmom, Jan 09, 2011
Oh, thank you for that bit of good news RockRose and I sure hope your prediction comes true! :))  

I am so terribly sorry to hear about your mother.  I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  Losing my own mother who was 52 when she was taken from me tragically has been one of the hardest things I've ever faced.  I wish you strength, comfort and peace and want you to  know I'm here any time if you ever need to talk.

What I love about this journal is that you can see in every post how much mother's matter.  Whether it is the love we have for our own kids, the loss we feel over our mom, or the idea of ever being without her----------  indeed a precious relationship.  

-Ashelen, I do know how you struggle with your mama.  But I want to convey to you something that you should always believe in and that is hope.  You do what you need to do now to take care of your own self and heart but that does not mean you shouldn't hope that she gets better and becomes the mother you long for.  
-Limonada, I was only a couple of years older than you when I lost my mom.  That is so true.  First you start to try and deal with the loss yourself but once you become a mother yourself-------  you feel the loss for your kids sake as well and it becomes a fresh wound.  I highly recommend a book called "Motherless Daughters".  
-And Rockrose, you are in the midst of something that is unthinkable to many who still have their mom's.  I know the terror you feel inside which is about the only way to describe it.  Terror and horror.  I hope and will pray that the doctors are able to heal her and that you have her with you for many years to come.
--And for those who are in the midst of the "distancing" years where stupid things are said-------  know it is the age.  They really do love you deep down inside.

Brenda, what a nice journal.  Really touching to me in many ways.  And I do like the reassurance that my boy's might skip thinking of me as the enemy!  I'll give them their space when I need to but hope they always keep that loving feeling towards me!

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by AnnieBrooke, Jan 09, 2011
For reasons I don't go into on this site, if my son is even as old as 40 when I die, it would be surprising.  My biggest fear when contemplating having him (and any other child) is that myself, my attitude and my care would become a problem to him when he is younger than people usually have to cope with such things.  I don't care if he ever validates me with a "Mom, you were right," but I sure hope I don't leave him feeling a big, empty hole.  A lot of my parenting is geared to that perspective, but all it seems to do so far is make him sense he doesn't want to be left alone.  Right now, he wants to live together with me and his dad forever, and we haven't had the heart to break it to him about the normal cycle of life not  making that possible.  Oh well, maybe we'll beat the odds, or maybe he'll gain a lot of independence and be somewhat indifferent to us in time (I mean for his own good, not that he would be an indifferent or unloving person but that he would be busy and wrapped up in his own, emotionally rewarding world).  For those of you who lost parents early, I am sure that is exactly what those parents would wish for you, that your life is a happy one that fulfills you and that their absence does not ruin things for you in any way.

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by specialmom, Jan 09, 2011
Ya know what.  You hit something very big for me AnnieBrooke.  I'm not a spring chicken.  I add up how old my kids will be when I'm 60, 70, 80, etc.  I know the loss I have after losing my mom and it hurts my heart to think of that same kind of pain inflicting my boys.  I do want them be happy after I am gone as my having them later means that we won't have the same number of years to go through all of the phases listed above that others have.  This is one of my anxiety feeds that gets my mind churing.  But . . . out of my control.  I will love them as I do no matter what and hope that the love I give them will help create strong young men that can face the world with or without me.  It will live within them whether I'm here or not.  

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by AHP84, Jan 09, 2011
I'm 26 and I am at the 50 year old category. I don't want my mom's cancer to come back a third time; but there's a high possibility it will in less than 10 years, and with that, a low chance of beating it again. She's been cancer free for a year and I pray it stays that way for another 50 years for her.

184674 tn?1360860493
by AHP84, Jan 09, 2011
I'm 26 and I am at the 50 year old category. I don't want my mom's cancer to come back a third time; but there's a high possibility it will in less than 10 years, and with that, a low chance of beating it again. She's been cancer free for a year and I pray it stays that way for another 50 years for her.

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by crackerjack4u2, Jan 09, 2011
RockRose-Thank You Hun, and I am so sorry to hear about your Mom having pancreatic cancer.  I Pray that God Places his Healing Hands upon your Mom and his Hands of Comfort upon your family during this difficult time in your lives.  

Specialmom- Thank You and I agree with RockRose, I too believe little girls lean more towards this than little boys.  I know you are an excellent mom to your kids and will raise wonderful, responsible adults.  

AnnieBrooke-It sounds like you are a Wonderful Mom and I really don't believe you need to worry when your time does come about leaving your child with anything less than many many wonderful memories and the utmost respect and appreciation for who you are.  My Mom had me at 32 and I was born on her birthday.  She turned 50, the day I turned 18.    

AHP84-  I'm so sorry to hear your mother has had such a rough road battling her cancer, but am thrilled to hear she has been in cancer free for a year now.  I Pray that God keeps your mother cancer free throughout her entire rest of her lifetime.  It sounds like she is truly a fighter.  

Thank you all for your responses, I am glad you enjoyed it.  
I Hope You Have a Wonderful Night and God Bless You ALL Brenda

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by telynn, Jan 28, 2011
Hi Braenda, I just read this OMG I have a 22 year old daughter and son is 21 I can not wait till 25, Boy everything on the list is so true so far, we will see when 25 hits!!  You also have a daughter 22. OMG fun Hun

HUGZ Terri

1461073 tn?1308677548
by crackerjack4u2, Jan 28, 2011
Hi Terri, LOL Yes I have a daughter 22, actually I can't say anything bad about her. LOL but boy that's not always been true. I seen a lot of truth in this when she was younger, more so than now.

At 18, she became a regular little smart butt, we argued constantly, she never turned her hand around the house, treated me like a dog and her maid, she wanted to move out because I refused to allow her to use my home as a flop house for her drinking, parties, boyfriend sleep overs etc.

I agreed, and even helped her move.  The deal was though, if she moves out on her own, she pays her bills on her own which you and I know is very difficult to do. (Best move we ever made).  This lasted about 3-4 months and she was ready to come home under my terms, and with a whole new outlook on what it takes to be an adult. When she came back home she was very polite, helpful, responsible, and remains that way to this day.  

She was only planning on staying here with me until she finished college, but she ended up meeting a very nice military guy and they decided to get married.  She needs one more semester of college to graduate and right now as I'm writing this they are moving again to a different State, so she plans on enrolling once they get there. Hopefully she will get finished with college and continue being the sweet young lady she is now because she certainly was impossible to live with the way she use to be.  Have A Wonderful Night Hun, and God Bless Brenda    

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