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January 19th, 2011

Jan 19, 2011 - 1 comments



Substance Abuse

And the roller coaster ride continues... we have good days and we have bad days.  It's exhausting and I must say, I really don't know how much more I can take of this.  If it's not one thing, it's something else.  This has started affecting my work, which isn't good since we're going through the launch of a few new products and my schedule can't take this nonsense.

So, he's had many good days, with few pills.  But he's craving them, he's seriously itching for the,  He doesn't understand why I can't accept him taking them.  He's also screaming for help... help that is scheduled, but not for another 3 weeks.  I don't know if we'll make it to that time, and we're not even sure it's the right type of help.  Great system we have in this country, just fantastic!  You can get help relatively quickly if you have $10,000 to $20,000, otherwise you wait and you're at the mercy of the system.  Makes me sick!

And then there's today.  We received some good news about testing I to go through had about 3 weeks ago.  My husband seemed very happy and somewhat relieved after getting the positive news.  I thought it was great to see him that way and that perhaps this had added on to his need for pills.  But when I got home I found him drunk... so, on top of the medication he's taking that says "Do not take with alcohol" he added a bunch of drinks to it.  This is coming from a man who NEVER drinks.  He might have 2 drinks a year, socially, but that's all.  Today he's had several... too many to count, and enough to allow him to have been passed out for the past 3 hours (maybe more).

I know there's a reason he's driven to abuse substances... but we were starting to do ok with managing the pills, and now something else has been added on.  Is there no end to this?  I'm exhausted... the constant worries, the constant fighting, the secrecy.  The good days are good, but the bad are just unbareable to me.  Of course he doesn't get that... he feels I make too big a deal about the situation.  He says "a lot of people take drugs or drink".  Yes, I'm sure there are a lot of those people out there, doesn't mean I want them to be part of my life... doesn't mean I want this to be part of my life.

There are days when I feel selfish for not wanting part of this.  I try my best to be supportive... but I don't know how much longer I can be the strong one... how much longer I can take the ups and downs.  Life is far too short to go through such turmoil... I just want it all to be better!

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by crackerjack4u2, Jan 19, 2011
First let me start by saying congratulations on the good news of your testing.  I'm sorry to hear you are on this emotional roller coaster that is no doubt physically draining as well.  He was merely trading one habit for another when he decided to get drunk tonight.  Addiction is terrible,and it's so hard to sit and watch the one you love killing themselves with drugs and alcohol.   Unfortunately, it sounds like only one of you are at the wanting to stop area and it's not the one with the addiction.  Until he is ready to stop, and he stops justifying his addictions by saying, " a lot of people take drugs and alcohol."  He will not stop. You said he feels, " you make too big of a deal out of it." You can yell, scream, and cry until you are blue in the face and your words will go unheard until He is willing to admit he has a problem.  He might admit his problem is a problem for you,  but not a problem for him.

What very few people know about me is that I have lived with addicts and abuse all my life.  I then for some crazy reason ended up marrying and divorcing an addict too.  I walked away from that marriage still very much in love with him because of the reasons you are describing. I just could not do it anymore, it was too emotionally and physically exhausting and I refused to sit by and watch him kill himself any longer.  I told him, "I'm not doing this anymore, if you choose to continue to want to kill yourself with drugs and alcohol and choose them over your family, then you need to do it somewhere other than here because I refuse to sit and worry about you and watch you kill yourself." When we split up it was like a 1000 pound weight was lifted off my shoulders.  He called numerous times wanting to come back but when asked if he's still using and the answer was not since last week or not since day before yesterday etc.  I knew it would be the same thing if I let him come back. So he left me with no other choice, but to move on.

The best advice I can give to you is to take care of you.  Do not tolerate it, any of it. No more second chances.  Lay down the law, mean what you say, and be willing to stand behind it 100%.  If you say you will not live with him anymore if he continues using or doesn't go to rehab or whatever you decide, and he uses or doesn't go, either you leave or kick him out. When that happens, if you want to reconcile don't do it immediately make him prove to you he has accepted he has the problem, is making the necessary effort & receiving help, and is no longer using at all.   You can not carry  all of this alone, and right at this moment he is not willing to help you with your problem because he will not admit or receive help for his.  Good Luck and God Bless Brenda    

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