Feb 06, 2011
Another weekend gone, and as much as my work is busy and stressful these days, I actually look forward to going back. After the desastrous day we had yesterday, my husband never came to bed and we have not spoken a single word today.
I'm not quite sure what I'm feeling... sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, that and much more. I feel like with what transpired last night, things will never be the same between us. My husband is angry that I don't want to be around him when he's on pills. I can't trust him anymore... and without trust, what is there between two people?
I must say, I don't understand what is happening. My husband says he wants to get help... but also says he NEEDS the pills to function. I don't see him getting cleaned up. In fact, I know that when I'm at work tomorrow, he will find a way to get himself another prescription of zopiclones.
I'm scared of what's next. The mixture of overwhelming emotions is making me feel a little ill. My life ***** right now, and I know it doesn' have to be that way. I'm just not sure I want to give up on us just yet... but I don't think I can go on either. I never, in a million years, imagined I would ever be in a situation like this. I actually don't quite understand... I wish I could express myself more clearly and concisely... my thoughts are just all over the place... I'm hurting and I don't know how to deal with all this.