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Feb 14, 2011 - 3 comments






Ok, here it goes...My husband comes home today with the news that his oldest daughter wants to move with us to NY...., Let me give you a background...My stepdaugher, who is now 22, was in a very bad relationship. She started with the guy when she was 18, but he turned out to be very abusive. After a bad fight, where he grabbed her neck, and try to choke her, we decided to help her by bringing her to live with us in Puerto Rico, she was living on Tampa. We were working on helping find a job, go back to school and even psychological help to break the violence cycle. Well, only 5 months after she came to live with us, she moved back with her mom to Atlanta and ended back again with the guy. Even worst, she married the guy and got pregnant. During the time that she was living with us her mom didnt help at all, not financially, not emotionally.....nothing. I dont judge her, i was upset bcs she went back to a guy that treated like..S"it///

Well, recently it got so bad that she ended up calling the police, and moving to an abused women shelter with her daughter and now she's pregnant again. Her mom is the one helping her...but now she called her father to see is she could come to live with us..! I was very patient when she lived with us in PR, when she didnt picked up after herself and eventhough was at home most of the day, when she waited for me or her father to come home to see what was for dinner..! It got so bad sometimes that work was a relief...

Now we're here in a 2 bedroom apartment, with enough space for the two of us, getting used to this new place for us, looking forward for warm weather to explore the city, with me trying to find a job, my husband getting used to his new role in the company and TTC....I think that's stress enough to add my stepdaughter, the grandaughter and the new baby on the way....! Arggggghhhh................I love my husband but I dont think I could deal with this, she's ok where she's at, her mom is helping her, even offering to have her stay in her house after she's done with the treatment at the shelter. I know she wants to be far away from the guy, but we dont have the space nor the financial means to help her at this time, as I mentioned I'm still looling for a job.

My husband as a father feels bad and wants to help her, and I'm ok with helping her, I dont want anything more than seeing her being self suficient, free from the abusive husband, and able to provide for her and her kids. But my husband is not being honest to himself and others about our current situation, and in all honesty, I dont want to sound selfish, but I could not have her in our house...., there enough space for the two of us, but thats it, one kid maybe, two a little crouded, but and adult and two kids..!


Sorry so long, I just needed to vent..!

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1105450 tn?1375683721
by renee82, Feb 15, 2011
I am so sorry that you are going through this but you have every right to feel this way. I think that his daughter is a big girl and need to assume her responsiblities especially now that she is a mother and another one on the way. My thought on her coming back to your home is that she had it easy living with you before and she wants daddy to take care of her again. Does she know that you are wanting a baby and that you guys are trying? If so than she probably thinks that is another way to get through the door, the baby sympathy. I dont think you guys need to have anything else on your plate and you need to focus on you new situation in NY. You DH shouldnt feel bad for saying no especially considering the circumstances and plus there is a thing called tough love and the only way she is really going to stand her own is by failing a time or to in order to build her self up on her own. You Step Daughter sounds like she is the type of person that is always looking for someone to take care of her no matter how they treat her and that is a bad habit to learn especially at a young age, but she has to live and learn. We have all been there. Good luck and best wishes to you guys

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by margypops, Feb 16, 2011
I agree it sounds as if everyone has been willing to accomodate your daughter, and I understand her Dad wanting to  thats normal, it does however sound like there isn't enough room so this may be the way to tell your husband it wont work ,and some bad atmosphere may ensue if you are all crowded together . She may be better off from the sound of it with her mom as the offer has been made .Good Luck  

1301462 tn?1318743393
by DollFacePR, Feb 16, 2011
Thank you for taking the time to read my vent and gave me such good feedback. I ended up talking with my husband and we both came to the agreement that we're not in a financial and fisical position to help her this time. She has the help of her mother and the shelter, plus she has so many things to work before thinking of moving anywhere, and her dad agrees with that too. So for now, I regained peace in my home.

Thank you ladies...!

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