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Oh the Drama!!

Sep 09, 2008 - 24 comments

My sister has two sons and I have two daughters.  My nephews are 15 and 13 and my children are 15 and 11 so the kids have pretty much grown up together, we are very close.  When the children were smaller I remember sitting smugly with my precious angels playing quietly nearby or sitting lovingly on my lap as my nephews bounced off the walls, crafted weapons of mass destruction from any nearby object or were rushed to their weekly ER visit.  I quietly thanked the Lord above for blessing me with little girls because although I loved my nephews I was certain I could not handle their high energy and dare devil ways.  Fast forward several years, my how the tables have turned.  Now I live in a hormonal hell.  I have a pre-teen and a teen and the tears flow freely in this house.  There is always some crisis, some perceived slight, there are too many mountains where mole hills should be and I won't even get into the friendship dramas that happen between girls.  Oh how I envy my sister.  Yes, her food bills are higher and there is always a tush protruding from the fridge but she doesn't deal with the drama....oh the drama.   I wonder if she knows how lucky she is to have boys.            

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Avatar universal
by 1nana, Sep 09, 2008
LOL....Hahaha.

I had one of each. And believe me, raising a boy was way easier than a girl.

Just as you say, the hormones are everywhere. Yes, you spend more on food where the boys are concerned, but when it comes to clothes for the girls, I say it pretty much evens out. Girls are expensive!

Mine are grown and out of the house now, but I sure do remember those days!

I feel for you. Hang in there!

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by Happy2girls, Sep 09, 2008
Thanks for the sympathy Wannabenana.  You can imagine how my poor husband feels, I only have to deal with two, he has three of us to dodge.  

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by lonewolf07, Sep 10, 2008
I have two of each.  They're young adults now but the drama .... I heard someone say "save the drama for your mama".  Whoever said that should be stuck in a room full of teenagers  = )








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by MJIthewriter, Sep 10, 2008
I guess I fall into that category when I was a teen.=P  I was nicknamed "emotional terrorist" by my parents when I went through those years... Being asexual I guess I saved them of the boyfriend/relationship sort of drama, but sometimes I'd rant over friends I was concerned with, frustrations at school, my rollercoaster mood, as well as anything that set me off about my parents...

Fast-forward, now we have My sister going through those teen years...almost out of them in a couple years. She and my dad don't get along... She wants to move out at age 18.... Good luck... I'm not sure it will happen. (at least I hope not yet...)

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by MJIthewriter, Sep 10, 2008
Another side note... Sometimes my parents think they had it easier with their autistic kid than their so called "normal" teen.... I guess different challenges....

Avatar universal
by bernieotoole225, Sep 10, 2008
hi ,yes there is a lot of drama between girls ,...........but at the same time i don't think boys and girls a much di fferent ,......i had two of each ,.......and i think i would rather see lots if tears than boxing fights between boys ,...........my boys never got to that stage doe .,.......because there was 20 years between them ,.thank god .......lol....

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by Cherie762, Sep 10, 2008
I have heard from a million people boys are harder as kids, eaiser as teens and viceversa for girls, I got3 boys I never allowed them toy guns and I will be darned, they'd grab a stick , legos. what ever and it would be a gun, little boys are a handful. They ar all teens now well almost youngest will be 12 in a week, 15, and 17. And they are so easy, such a joy,I guess it makes up for  a decade of crazy.Things will get better as they say this too shall pass,,Good luck, Cherie

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by lonewolf07, Sep 10, 2008
What I have found ironic is that my oldest son and DIL have a one yr old boy and they aren't going to let him play with toy guns or watch "violence" (don't know how to define that) on TV.  Before he became a dad, he used to say that watching TV shows or playing with toy guns or other "war toys" didn't hurt him any and that kids who couldn't watch certain TV shows would just watch them at their friends' house.

But I digress ....






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by Happy2girls, Sep 10, 2008
Thanks everybody for your comments.  It's interesting to see everyone's perspective on parenting different genders.  I guess with each stage there are different challenges.  Lonewolf and Cherie, my sister never bought my nephews guns nor did she encourage rough play but sure enough they found a way, I guess it's true that boys will be boys.  My own brothers would rip the legs off my and my sister's Barbie dolls and throw them in the furnace (as a side note we are all very well adjusted, productive adults now).  Bernie, I have a friend who tells me tales of the violent fights he engaged in with his brothers and school mates.  I must admit I don't think I could handle that but my girls do get into the occasional hair pulling match.  MJ, my 13 year old nephew is also autistic and he mimics a lot of his brother's behaviour but he did seem to be the easier one for my sister as long as he had his routine.  

I do think that in a few more years, when the raging adolescent hormones level off, I will have my precious angels back again and we will one again enjoy nice quiet conversation instead of yelling and tears.  Although, I do think my older daughter will always have some dramatic flair.  One more thing, I am thrilled that my girls are still very affectionate with me, they still kiss me good-bye and tell me they love me often.  My sister lost that a long time ago and I don't think she will see that again until her boys are men.      

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by April2, Sep 10, 2008
I have two boys and one girl and let me tell you there's a huge difference. Boys are much easier! My daughter started giving me grief from the time she was four until now (she's 16). She's finally settled down a lot. Girls are just so much more verbal than boys, you know? She always knew how to get those digs in, how to really hurt me. And the drama! Oh yeah, been there, with the tears, yelling, door slamming, and storming off. The worst years for me was 13-15.
My son would get mad too and slam his door but never talked back like my daughter did. He rebelled but not as much as she did. I think she finally got tired of the way she was acting and recently decided to return to God and has been going to youth group, etc., and really enjoying it. She's much calmer and happier now. Thank God! She really gave me gray hairs the last few years.
This last pregnancy I had a boy whose now four. At first I thought I wanted a girl but I think God knew what He was doing, lol. He knew I couldn't take another girl right now! I'm still recovering from from all the grief my daughter put me through. I just pray that my little boy doesn't put me through too much grief when he hits his teen years because I'm getting too old and too tired for all of this, lol!

Still, once you get them through those teen years I think a daughter can be someone you can be very close to. I look forward to my daughter's wedding day and when she starts having babies. I think that will bring us even closer. Granted, I look forward to my son getting married and having kids someday too. But a daughter you can talk to and go shopping with, you know?
I don't know, they each have their good and bad. I'm glad I have both. If we could just get them through those horrible teen years! Then after that it's much more smooth sailing. Sometimes I think we should ship them all off to military school or something from 13-18 and skip all that grief. But I guess this just makes us stronger, better people, right?
I love my kids and look forward to the day they go on and make their way in the world and become the great people I know they already are. I'm proud of how they're turning out.
Good post. We parents of teens have to stick together, lol.  
Somehow or another we all get through this. Gotta love em! :)

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by Happy2girls, Sep 10, 2008
I hear you April, I think the teen years are a test for all of us parents, to see what kind of stuff we're made of.  I can't wait for grandchildren....I mean I can wait....But I am curious to see not only how my daughters do as parents but also I want to see what the grandparent/grandchild relationship is like.  My own mother seems much more relaxed as a Mom Mom although she was/is a darn good mother, she does seem to really enjoy her grandchildren.    

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by April2, Sep 10, 2008
Oh yeah! I can't wait till I can relax and just enjoy my grandchildren and send them back home! I know it's selfish but I can't wait till our "golden years" when we can hopefully travel and do things for US for a change instead of always  the kids. I guess it will be awhile for me since I have a little one again, lol. Well, maybe we can do a bit of traveling with just him living at home. Who knows. I guess I'm going to be old before I get all these kids out of the house!

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by mirabella45, Sep 10, 2008
OH MY GOSH  HOW FUNNY  and it is all very true.  Girls can be down right vicious when they become teenagers.  I have a daughter 20 and a son 17.   He has had broken bones.  50 stitches because he was riding a dirt bike into a barb wire fence.
Injury after injury.   Daughter can be an emotional wreck at times.    Funny funny.when I look back at all the drama.
WHEW how did I survive

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by Happy2girls, Sep 10, 2008
Thanks for the comment Mirabella, I keep repeating to myself that I will survive this and this can't last forever.  April, I too am looking forward to the Golden Years but I hear that sometimes they (grown children) come back, yikes!  Actually, I will be a wreck when they go off to college, I know I will.    

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by April2, Sep 10, 2008
They come back??!!! lol, jk. My son is 20 and still living at home but I don't mind. I enjoy him for the most part. Although, like a typical 20 year old he thinks he knows everything and we can't tell him anything. He doesn't get disrespectful though. He's just really smart and well read. He's always wanting to debate things. He's going to the local community college and should have his associate's degree by the end of this year. I'm not sure where he's going to go after that. I'm kind of glad, in a way, that he still lives at home for now. At least I know he's safe, etc.

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by mirabella45, Sep 10, 2008
How do we keep them safe?? The worring has only just begun.. When they marry you worry about the spouse...then the grandbabies...on and on.  As long as my son has one class a semester, I will be fine with that at least he is doing something..He gives me a little grunt or growl sometimes but he is a good kid, ( big heart) wants to help everyone and everything.  He must get that from his MOMMA

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by Happy2girls, Sep 10, 2008
April, your son sounds like my 15 year old.  She is very, very bright and she knows it.  She will debate you on anything and she makes good valid points but she is a bit closed minded and stubborn and doesn't give up her position too easily.  In fact, I am trying to teach her the art of agreeing to disagree on certain issues.  A lot of the drama revolves around her unwillingness to acknowledge that she isn't always right.  Just wait until she has her own kids....sometimes I chuckle just thinking about it.  And of course, I blame my husband, you know his genes and all.      

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by Happy2girls, Sep 10, 2008
Mirabella, I am with you.  I always say all of her good points come from me and all of her difficult behaviour can be traced back to my hubby.  Just kidding, just kidding.  For all of my griping they really are good girls.  

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by 40smama, Sep 10, 2008
Happy - I read your journal w/ great interest - I have 3 girls myself - one in her early 20's (she's the one who makes life so interesting) & two teens and it's been a roller coaster ride!  It never stops - whoever implied parenting would be over at 18 is dead wrong - it seems that's just when the worrying begins or at least that's been my experience.  I'd share all of the drama but I'm afraid it would frighten mothers (or horrify them).  They're good girls definitely not perfect and the oldest two are in college so I shouldn't complain but there doesn't seem a day when those girls don't call me w/some drama or another!  They're worse than my 15 year old!  And definitely worse than my son who's 24 or even my 4 month old baby boy!

I finally had to tell them that they had to handle some of their own problems (especially the petty ones) themselves.  It's kept me sane (finally there's something!).  I brelieve that saying about daughers are daughters the rest of your life (could be construed as scary!) :-))  You sound so much like me especially in your opening entry - God bless you!

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by April2, Sep 10, 2008
40smama, I like what you said "I finally had to tell them that they had to handle some of their own problems (especially the petty ones) themselves." You are so right. I'm looking into taking the "Love And Logic" classes. I've heard wonderful things about it. It has something for everyone, no matter how old your child is. The main point is allowing your child to take responsibility for themselves. This is something that is so hard for us parents, especially us mom's I think. We want to "fix" everything for them and protect them from all the boo-boos in life. But this is so crucial. They have to get this before they go off on their own or they will never be strong enough to make it on their own.
Good point. Thanks for sharing.

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by MrsOckert, Sep 10, 2008
This was the most interesting posting I've read in a long while!!!  I don't think I can really relate to the boys vs girls of good and bad, tho.  lol  

My husband's first wife left him and took the oldest and youngest boy.  The twins (girl and boy) stayed with him.  His daughter refused to leave her Dad.  They were 13.  Fast forward three years and there was a terrible fight between him and his son and he called his ex to come pick the son up.  During the end of the fight while his daughter was arguing with him he told her she could go to.  This was Dec and their father and I got married in Feb.  So they lived with their mother (and hated it!) till August when they turned 17 and could live anywhere they wanted, so said the STATE.  That morning they packed up all their stuff drove back to the house and Welcome Home!  OMG.  I had no idea what I was in for.  

I wish I had found this forum then.  At least I would have had somewhere to vent.  The next two years were the most horrible of my life.  lol  It didn't matter whether it was girl or boy they were the children from h*ll.

Fast forward 5½ years and life is much much better.  They are 22 now, the daughter (and that's exactly how I think of her) has a job, an apartment, has never come home asking for money - doing really well.  The son moved back out after awhile, but two years ago started college and I asked him to come back home and he's been here since.  He gave me a mother birthday card and said he loved me in it.  I still carry it in my purse, but two nights ago he actually said the words I love you in a joking sort of manner.  It's all good.

After reading some of the stories on the step parent forum I realize I didn't have it as bad as it could be, but at the time it was miserable.  I know now that for the most part it was normal teenager stuff and they do grow out of it.

Anyway, thanks for letting me take up so much space here and listening.

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by Happy2girls, Sep 10, 2008
40smama and April, just last night I told my girls not to come to me with their fights and disagreements, they need to figure out how to resolve those disputes on their own because they always try to get me to choose sides.  I would have thought my 15 year old was beyond fighting with her 11 year old sister but I do have to concede that my "little" one is a bit of a button pusher.  I just pray that they some day get along, I want them to be close.  

40smama, my goodness and God bless, where do you get your energy?  I remember telling my husband when we married that I wanted 5 children (he rolled his eyes).  Sometimes I am so tired and drained with the 2 I have and when I vent to dear hubby he just says "And you wanted 5".  I guess April is right when she says God knows what he is doing.

Mrs O, thanks for sharing your unique experience.  I guess life with children is a rollercoaster ride.  I am glad that you are on the upswing.    

Avatar universal
by PinkyOne, Jan 31, 2011
I so know,wow the ears flow at my home also,I wonder if I will make it through sane,Being a single parent Im the  only source support wise and all.I wonder if the river of ears will ever stop flowing!!!!Pinkyone~~~

Avatar universal
by PinkyOne, Jan 31, 2011
January 31,2011    I meant the tears!!!!PinkyOne~~~~

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